Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 164705 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164705 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
I rested my chin on my knees. “I would’ve helped you.”
“You would’ve upended your life to mold yourself around me, just like you did when you chose Harvard. You were so beautiful, and independent, and full of life. But you were also so desperate for someone to love you that you would’ve given up everything – including your identity – to be with me.”
He was right.
I wouldn’t have agreed with him then, but now, after so many years, I could look back and see it. The loss of Jason, Philomena, and Cooper left huge dents in my psyche.
My classmates didn’t want me, I never stayed anywhere long enough to make friends, and when the cute boy next door showered me with attention, I refused to let go. Literally. I used to hug him whenever I could, hoping I could trap him and keep him by my side. Hence my nickname. Cuddlebug.
“You should’ve given me a choice.” But the words rang hollow, because I knew what it would be and that I wouldn’t have made it for the right reasons.
“I didn’t believe I deserved you, Cuddlebug. It’s never been about whether I love you enough. It’s that I love you too much. Nothing I could offer you would ever be enough. You deserve everything, and I had none of it, especially with everything life laid on me. I wanted more for you than … well, myself.”
Something cracked in me. Every layer of defense. I understood, firsthand, what it does to the soul when love feels like a gift I’ve done nothing to earn.
Oliver slouched his back against the wall, cradling his head between his hands. “In fact, even now, I still don’t believe I deserve you. The difference is that I’ve grown up. I realize now that just being here matters most. Waking up and doing my best for you every morning, because I love to see you smile.”
He reached to touch my face. The second his fingers met my cheek, it felt like he’d slice through an invisible crack, breaking it wide open and letting light pour into my wounds. I leaned against his rough palm, falling into his body between his open legs.
“You posted a picture of you giving Sebastian a ride to his flight to India,” I whispered.
Guilt licked at my throat. I couldn’t tell Oliver about my frequent visits to Sebastian. One wrong breath could shatter Seb’s fragile trust. I vowed not to break it, knowing his selfless brother would understand.
“It was an old pic. He made me do it.” Oliver’s lips traveled along the column of my neck, my shoulder, kissing the spot the sun always touched. “He didn’t want anyone to see his face. He came up with a story about India. About choosing a stress-free life over the Olympics. And I went along with it.”
“I thought you’d forgotten about me.”
“You were all I could ever think of. Even now. All these years later. For the longest time, I thought of you as a shadow following me. But you’re not the shadow. I am. You are the living, breathing organism inside of me. I’m just here for the ride.”
We reached to each other like water in the desert. Me first, my lips crashing against his as I finally let it all go. I cried into our kiss. My salty tears mixed with the sweetness of our passion.
Ollie rose to his knees and cradled the back of my head, flattening me against the carpet. He kissed, nibbled, and nuzzled his way down my body. I clutched his shoulders, still in tears, but also reeling with pleasure as he pried my thighs apart with his head and kissed the insides of each one.
“There was no one else.” His tongue trailed a path from my hipbone to my slit, still covered by my underwear. “Unloving you was impossible. As unnatural as trying not to breathe.”
He scraped my underwear to one side and gave my slit an open-mouth kiss. I quivered under his touch, breathless. This sounded too close to a love declaration. Before I could wrap my head around it, his tongue plunged inside me.
I arched off the floor and moaned. Oliver’s hand crawled up my body, kneading my right breast as he devoured me with abandon. His tongue thrust deep inside me, fucking me relentlessly as his nose nuzzled my clit.
The pleasure was so intense, stars detonated behind my eyelids.
His stubble, rough and short, grazed my inner thighs. “You’re so damn pink,” he murmured, kissing, and biting, and plunging deeper into me. His hands spread my thighs wide. “So fucking beautiful. I’m about to come in my pants just eating you out.”
I gobbled it all up. His adoration, the sensation, the way our bodies seemed to fall back into sync like we’d spent no time apart at all.