Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 104037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104037 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
I don’t know him, but an urge inside me wants to. His eyes are piercing to the point of boring a hole into my chest as if he wants my soul to pay for the damages I caused him.
Opening my phone again, I pull up the email with the contract and scan it for any personal information about him. The lamp flickers, causing me to glance at the side table, and then it goes black.
My phone is a torch in the outage. I’m so glad I charged it.
But then I realize it’s not about my phone. It’s about the heating system. “Oh no.” I flip the covers up and set my feet on the cool wooden floors. As soon as I shine my phone light on the thermostat, a banging on the doors startles me into next week.
“Oh my God.” My heart thunders in my chest, my fears surfacing, though I know it’s going to be him outside and not a maniac. Well, not the murdering kind.
“Hello?” I call with the door closed.
“It’s me.”
If only he’d said his name. No such luck. I’ll still try to get it out of him, though. I crack the door open, not wanting to let the cold air outside sneak in. “Me who?”
He shifts with his hands in his pockets, never looking as charming as he does right now. When his eyes land on mine, he asks, “Do you really not remember my name?”
10
Laird
“I’m sorry.”
That’s the last thing I wanted to hear her say.
An apology doesn’t really make up for being forgotten altogether. I just wish we had been on the same page. If I’d known she really didn’t think twice about me, I wouldn’t have kept her hanging around my thoughts, wondering what happened.
I could have moved on with my life instead of living in the memories of the best night of it. It’s a lot to digest.
Years wasted.
The door is wide open, the cold night breezing into the tiny space. Although it’s dark inside and out, I can see her pretty face. My chest still tightens like the defector it is.
She shivers but reaches out. “Are you okay?”
Backing away from her, I step off the small porch and glance down at my boots. I didn’t bother with the laces or even have time to put on underwear. When we lost power, only one thing crossed my mind. Her. “I should have left well enough alone,” I reply.
When she lowers her hand to her side, she says, “We talk in circles but going in opposite directions. Will I ever understand what you mean when you make certain comments?”
It’s a keen observation and more accurate than I care to admit. I’ve been chasing a past that feels more made up in my head than based in reality, a circle of my own undoing. “I don’t think you’re supposed to understand anything about me anymore. That’s what moving on is.”
“You say that as if we’ve had a lifetime together, not a few hours.”
I scoff, more at myself, but the weight on my shoulders is still a burden to carry for something that only existed in my head.
A glutton for punishment, I kick the toe of my boot against the small concrete platform, feeling every bit the loser she sees in me. “Hours? That’s what we’ve boiled down to?” I glance toward the moon again, but I’m caught in the wind, giving me a harsh reminder and waking me up to what’s in front of me now. Her truth.
There’s nothing left to fight for. So what am I doing? She’s been very clear. Austin meant nothing to her. I can’t beg her to love me just so I can be the one to end it.
Would I? Would I end it if given a second chance?
Would I have left that hotel room and caught my plane without stopping at the café in between?
Should I have treated her like any other fuck I have on the road?
I was numb to the drugs, the women, and the music. When I met her, my whole life changed. In an instant. I knew it then. I still might . . .
So no, there’s no way I would have treated her less than I did. She was everything I dreamed possible that weekend. I wanted it to last forever. I wanted us to last for eternity. Instead of her love, the memories will haunt me.
When I look up at her, she’s brave enough to stand there and still face me. What meant the world to me didn’t mean anything to her. She hasn’t lied. I was just hoping for a different answer. Poppy’s not the problem. I am for making us into something we weren’t.
Leaves batter my legs when the wind picks up. My feelings aside, I need to get her to safety. “I get that we didn’t leave on good terms. As you stated earlier, we’re not even friends, but you are my responsibility while you’re on this property.”