Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
“It doesn’t change anything for you,” she replied. “I was talking about your life. This is a blip on your road, and you get to choose how to process it. You can be grateful you had a mother who wanted to protect you. You can ignore it entirely because you’re happy with your life. Or you can turn it into something it’s not.”
“What is it not?” Cooper asked.
“An offense to you,” Kala replied with quiet certainty. “Everything these people did was with you in mind. You should accept it even if you don’t agree with how they went about it. There was no malice here. Not from your biological mother. Not from Zach or Joyce. Not from my dad, who did not know what had happened. And not from me, who just can’t be the woman you need me to be. If I can understand that and not be angry with you, can you do the same for me?”
“I’m not angry.” He wasn’t angry with her. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the rest of it.
“You were.”
“I’m not now.”
She stared at him for a minute, and then her head shook. “But you will be.”
“Kala, I’m not mad.” He was getting frustrated though, and he needed to tamp it down. “I was, but now I can see you handled it the best way you knew how, so let’s forget the rest of it. I think I’ve earned some grace from you.”
“By putting up with me? Is that what you’re doing? Earning something by tolerating how hard I am to live with? Do you know how that makes me feel?”
She was misunderstanding him. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter because when I tell you what I did, I assure you there won’t be a lot of grace.”
He dropped her hand. A cold suspicion snaked up his spine. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do this to him. She would know how important it was for Zach to be secure and ready for questioning. “Where is Zach?”
“Probably on his way out of the country,” she admitted with a deep resignation in her tone. “He’s looking for Huisman, but also for his mother. I’ve already typed up the reports. It’s everything I can remember from the conversation we had, including the fact that he’s promised to contact me again when he can and he’s worried about Devi.”
She let the fucker go? Maybe he was being hasty. “Did he hurt you?”
Her head shook. “No. He didn’t hurt me or threaten me in any way. If you’re looking for some way to make this not my call, you won’t find it. I could have easily gotten Joyce and forced Zach to come with me. I probably could have taken them both, but I chose not to.”
“You chose.”
“Yes,” she replied simply. “That’s what the job is. Choices. I think we have a better chance of getting to Huisman if Zach is out there. He’s got connections we don’t, and I believe him when he says he’ll come in when he can.”
“Why the hell would you believe him?” The question came out on a harsh rasp.
“Because he loves you,” she said with a sigh that felt like resignation. “Because he wants to get to know his brother. Because I think he truly cares about Devi.”
He huffed at the irony. “Now you believe in love. When it’s convenient for you.”
“I never said I didn’t believe, Coop,” she argued. “Trust me, I do, and I do not in any way think it’s convenient. I simply don’t think there’s any for me.”
How quickly she forgot. “I loved you.”
She was silent for a moment, staring at him with solemn eyes, and he realized his mistake.
He couldn’t seem to stop making them today. “I love you, but you have to understand why I’m upset. You knew I would want Zach brought in. You let that fucker take me down and then what? You sat down and had a sandwich with him over my drugged body?”
“It was a beer,” she corrected.
Well, of course it was. His girlfriend. Sipping beer over his unconscious body.
“I made sure you had a pillow,” she offered and sighed when the silence lengthened between them. “What did you want me to do? Should I have killed Zach? Taken out Joyce? I made sure you were okay and then I calmly did what I had to do. I didn’t fall to my knees and scream. I am what I am, and it’s never going to be what you need. I’ve known it for a long time, babe. I love you, too, but I don’t think my love is ever going to be enough for you. I don’t think I can love enough for anyone. It’s not your fault. It’s all me. I don’t have anyone to blame. I was born this way. Kenz got all the gentleness. Sometimes I wish you fell in love with her and she loved you because at least then I would know you were happy.”