Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
She should have known this would be a bit of a fight. Lena thought she was doing the right thing, but she hadn’t been there in Colorado. She didn’t know how much it changed her. “I’ve been persuaded otherwise.”
“Did your father threaten you?” Lena asked. “You should know I’ve already filed an incident report with HR because your father told me not to talk to you any longer and that if I continued to interfere—his word, not mine—with his daughter, he will kill me.”
So her father was already hard at work. “Lady, you got off easy. My dad can be very over the top when it comes to threats. I’m surprised he didn’t detail the death he has planned. It usually involves viscera. Also, you should understand that it’s not a threat. It’s more of a promise. He’s not like other dudes who say a bunch of shit but have no follow up. He’s already planning on where to stuff your body.” Maybe she and Coop should look for some land. A couple of acres. A bit off the beaten path. They had family traditions to uphold. “I’ll talk to him. Once he understands I’m not leaving the team, he’ll back off.”
A low huff came over the line. “Oh, trust me. I’ll handle your father. Kala, we’ve talked about this. We have been working through this, and I would hate to see you fall back into old patterns. You will do much better without the encumbrance of that team.”
How had she even thought those words? Her team wasn’t holding her back. This was what her dad meant. The dark voices and thoughts sometimes led her down dangerous paths. “They aren’t an encumbrance. I’ve figured that out. They ground me.”
“Yes, they ground you when you could fly. Have you forgotten the last few weeks of therapy? We worked through this. We have a plan. A plan to get you where you want to go, where you need to be.”
Tears welled when she thought about some of the things she’d said in those therapy sessions. “I wanted to talk to you about the plan. And no, I haven’t forgotten. I do appreciate the time and effort you put in, but I think I need someone else. I do think I should be in therapy, and I would like to talk to someone about whether or not some of what I’m going through is depression.”
She’d thought so much about this when she was in Colorado. Even in her happiest, most content moments, she could still hear those dark voices. They were shadows that might always be there. They might simply be part of who she was, and if that was true, then she would get through it. But if it was some chemical imbalance, she wanted to know. Wanted a shot at quieting them so she could hear and feel the full extent of the amazing love she’d been given.
The line was silent for a moment. “Are you joking?”
“No.” Did she sound like she was joking? Sometimes she could come off as joking even when she was serious. Cooper seemed to understand her. And her friends talked a lot about speaking Kala. Maybe Lena didn’t yet, so she needed to be clear. “I think I should prioritize my mental health.”
“Kala, if you start taking drugs, they’ll very likely pull you from the field,” Lena pointed out. “They won’t allow a mentally unstable person to know some of the world’s most important secrets.”
She’d thought about it. Though it did seem unfair since she knew a lot of dudes who worked in intelligence who could use some help. And who used drugs like cocaine, but hey, the Lexapro was a bridge too far. “Then I’ll work behind the scenes. Look, we talked about me doing what’s best for myself. This is it. I want to be happy. I might never feel it like my sister does, but I’m going to do everything I can to be the best me. I have people I love who need me around, and if I keep going the way I’m going, I won’t.”
Starting with Devi, who should be here soon. This was her night to inspect the equipment and make sure the bar was stocked for play tomorrow, so she would be here with her bodyguard any minute now. She was having such a talk with her cousin. If she had to kick her cousin’s ass, she would. She and Aunt Erin could start setting up a secure room to hold her ass in if she had a problem with it. Ah, family time.
Damn, she loved her family. So fucking much.
“Are you serious? Who have you been talking to, Kala? You’re not depressed. You’re poison. You ruin the people around you. If you didn’t have people watching you constantly, you would likely have become a criminal a long time ago. Is baby Kala trying to shut out the voices in her head with some drugs? Do you think you can? Those voices are right, and they’re a part of your soul.”