Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
“You make me sound so cold,” she murmured, her eyes not meeting his.
It wasn’t how he remembered it. His heart had broken, but he’d also known why she’d done it. “No, you were awkward, and you didn’t know how to tell me what you were really feeling.”
Now her eyes came up to catch his gaze, an almost challenging look in the blue orbs. “How was I feeling, Cooper?”
“Betrayed. Alone,” he replied. “You never let go of what happened that night when I was so fucking dumb. You allowed yourself to fall into something of a friendship with me, but you held yourself apart, and then we were going to different schools. You didn’t have that tether to hold on to. You decided it would be easier to dump me than to watch it all fall apart.”
“There was no ‘it’ to fall apart, Cooper,” Kala replied softly. “And don’t think I sit around thinking about the fact that you turned me down that night. You were right. Everyone was right. I was too young, and we weren’t good together. I was a kid, and I had this insane notion that I was in love with you.”
There was the ache he felt when they talked about high school. “But you don’t have that notion now.”
“No. I’m not the kind of person who falls in love,” she replied with a surety he prayed wasn’t real. “I am the kind of person who is practical. We don’t spend a lot of time in the normal world. Well, the last few weeks not withstanding we don’t. It’s been a long time since I had anything regular. Sex wise. You might be getting it every night for all I know.”
“I haven’t had sex in two years, Kala. Not since I joined the team.” He couldn’t say it flat out, couldn’t tell her he loved her and he wasn’t about to fuck around with anyone else. Not when they had an actual chance this time. They weren’t kids anymore. They knew what they wanted. Well, he did. He got the feeling she was going to do a lot of hiding behind those walls she’d built.
Now that he was settling into this conversation, the shock was wearing off. He watched her. She wasn’t relaxed. Anyone looking from the outside would likely miss the tight set of her eyes and how she cocked her head slightly. Sure signs she was nervous.
What if she was looking for another tether?
“I’m surprised to hear that. I assumed you were living it up on the nights you spend at The Club.”
The Club was the BDSM club he’d trained at. He still went and worked a dungeon monitor shift when they needed someone and he was in town. “I tend to work on the nights I spend at The Club, though I’ve played a couple of times. Gabe’s dad pays well. Trust me, I’ve thought a lot about what I can do professionally after my Agency days are done, and being Julian Lodge’s private pilot wouldn’t be a bad life.”
“I thought you meant you considered being a professional top,” she replied.
He shook his head, all the possibilities threatening to swamp him. He’d made the decision to push her after nearly losing her. What if this was her way of doing the same? Kala wouldn’t ever come right out and tell him what she wanted. Not when it came to emotions she would deny having.
Why had he gotten Ian Taggart in a sexy-as-fuck woman package?
He was just lucky he supposed.
“I do this because I enjoy working with you. I have zero interest in topping subs on my own.”
She considered him for a moment, and he let her brain start to make connections. “You take all the classes. You do a lot of work around topping subs.”
“I enjoy it, but I don’t need it the way you do, so I’m here to help out my friend. Who is you,” he said with what he hoped was a bland smile. He hoped whatever expression was on his face didn’t convey what he felt at the moment. Like a wolf who knew he was going to finally get to pounce. He wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly what was going to come out of her mouth next. A bargain. A practical, hey, as long as we’re both here bargain. “So neither of us has a lover right now.”
Her nose wrinkled.
He was using the wrong words. He had to remember he was the romantic one in this relationship. “Fuck buddy.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “I think maybe being around the rest of the team, and they’re all fucking like bunnies, we might be at a disadvantage. It’s not like we have a lot of time to go out there and get some.”
She could walk out of this door and find ten guys willing to take her to bed right now. They would kneel at her feet or offer to top her. They would take her any way she requested and come back the next night for more, but sure, she struggled to find a couple of minutes to get off. “I feel you. It’s hard. And can Lou and TJ, like, take a break every now and then?”