Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
A chill went through him. “Ian, tell me she’s not a virgin. She can’t possibly be a virgin.”
One big shoulder shrugged. “Well, probably not now unless you didn’t actually make it inside her.”
He felt his whole world shift because all this time he’d thought she was trying to find happiness the way everyone did. He’d thought she was dating and hadn’t found the right one, thought she was enjoying sex the way she should when she was young. He’d heard stories she would tell about seducing targets. “Why? Why would she lie about it?”
“Because it’s easier than admitting why she’s afraid of sex. Look, Cooper, I know why she’s been skittish. It’s a combination of something that happened to her when she was young and you. I’m not going to tell you about the event. That has to come from her. But I will talk about you. She is now and has always been sick in love with you. Kenzie fell in and out of love a million times. It’s why I’m not worried about the Canadian. She’ll move on eventually. But Kala is a different story. She’s me, and if I hadn’t found my Charlie, I would have been alone. Don’t get me wrong, I had girlfriends and I had subs, but I wouldn’t have opened myself up to anyone but Charlie. I had one shot, and for a long time I thought it was over. When I thought Charlie was dead, I shut myself off. Only thing that saved my relationship with my brother was his wife. Hell, there were times I didn’t want a relationship with anyone. It would be easier to go lone wolf and let the job be my life. I worry she’s in that stage right now, and whatever the hell happened tonight is going to push her to do it.”
“I love your daughter,” Cooper said quietly, emotion welling through him. “I’ve always loved her. I was a child and I wanted to fit in. I thought if I did everything right, made everyone like me, showed everyone I was good at sports and popular, then I would be worthy of them.”
Ian looked at him with something akin to sympathy. He didn’t pretend to not understand. “Your parents loved you from the moment they saw you. It never mattered Eve didn’t carry you. They didn’t give a crap you don’t share DNA. I assure you I love my Tasha every bit as much as my biological children, but I do understand that it can feel like you don’t belong. Have you thought about finding your biological mother?”
He shook his head. “I don’t need to meet her. I have a mother, and I don’t need anyone else. I got over it, but how I felt when I was fifteen hurt the girl I loved then. She scared me back then.”
“Because everything that makes her a strong, resourceful woman made her a difficult child. That’s the sharp edge of parenting they don’t tell you about. It’s hard when you can see so clearly what a teacher calls stubbornness will one day be determination,” Ian admitted. “You have to figure out how to balance fitting in with not losing what makes your child special. It was easy as breathing for Kenzie. Tash had to learn. My boys are knuckleheads, and oddly that made everyone love them, but Kala was different.”
“And I made it worse because I wanted her but I didn’t want anyone to know I wanted her. Like she was something I should hide.” The old guilt settled on him, and now it held a new edge since there was something he didn’t know. And something he did. He’d wrecked her first time. “I should leave.”
Ian’s face fell. “And I’m back to hating you.”
“She didn’t trust me enough to tell me she was a virgin,” Cooper argued. “I don’t know how to deal with that. I joined the team because I wanted another chance with her, but I worry I’m hurting her. Seeing her… She almost died. I wanted to fucking lie down and die with her.”
Ian slapped the table, the sound reverberating through the conference room. “Then live for her. Don’t give up. If you genuinely believe you’re the best man for her, you don’t give up. Not until she tells you she can’t love you and asks you to leave. Has she done that?”
“No. But I can’t do what I want to do.”
“And what’s that?” Ian asked.
This was the crux of his problem when it came to sex with the woman he loved. “Top her. I know she identifies as a Domme, but she needs a top, Ian.”
“I would say she’s actually more of a switch,” Ian said, proving he didn’t have a problem talking about sex. “But there’s a wall she can’t break down on her own. So you might have to be sneaky. You already are. You think I don’t see you manipulate her?”