Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 145091 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145091 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
“I doubt that. I mean I’m sure Brad would have told him what was happening, but Drake isn’t going to sleep with someone because Brad told him to. He might have flirted with you, but he wouldn’t sleep with you unless he was attracted to you,” Sandra said.
“So he’s never fucked for information?”
“I didn’t say that. He was a horny kid when he started going undercover. I happen to know he liked the James Bond stuff in the beginning,” Sandra replied.
“It gets old fast,” Kim said. “Not that I ever really got into that. I got married before I went out into the field, so I didn’t play around with that. I agree with Sandra. If he slept with you, he wanted to. Did you like him? Or were you bored?”
“I was stupid over him,” she admitted. She could still feel that rush she’d gotten in those days with him. It had been a magical feeling, something she’d never felt before. “I was about to get out, and he was the first man I got close to. I’d had some guys I dated before, but it wasn’t like Drake. We got deep fast. At least I did.”
Kim leaned over, getting closer to her. “Be honest. Did he get deep with you?”
She’d never been able to forget their long talks and how comfortable she’d felt with him. “We seemed to click right away. It felt like we understood each other. That’s why it hurt that he thought I could betray my country and everything my dad worked for.”
“He’d known you for a week,” Sandra pointed out.
She didn’t get to have it both ways. “So he’d known me long enough to want to get serious with me but not long enough to trust…” Fuck. She was caught neatly in that woman’s trap. “He’d known his sister all his life. He loved her but he couldn’t trust her.”
“She shoots, she scores.” Kim held up her glass in a toast. “He can fall for a woman quickly, but trusting is a problem. Welcome to the world of most of us. Our men are complex and usually need therapy. Oh, I know Charlotte Taggart will tell you her vagina healed Ian, but he did his time on a couch. You probably need some, too.”
She felt a frown come over her face. “You know I thought that when I went to college I would try finding someone to talk to, to sort through my messy upbringing. And then my dad died and I shut down. I think I need that drink.”
“It’s good,” Sandra said. “Kim has a heavy hand with the tequila, and I promise you’re safe here. When was the last time you sat around and talked to your girlfriends and drank and ate a ton of cheesy nachos?”
Never. Not even once. She felt the weirdest thing. Her eyes had gone watery. She’d kind of thought she was all cried out after her dad died and the world seemed to go dark.
Was she just passing time until she could find that fight that would take her out?
Wasn’t there more the world had to offer her than revenge for a father who would probably tell her to walk away?
You will find what you want to be in the world and my life will be complete, dushka. That’s what I learned. I am not a smart man, but I did one thing right. You are my brave girl, going out into the world. I will be so proud when you discover who you want to be.
He’d kissed her on the forehead, and that had been the last time she’d seen him.
Would he be proud now? What was braver? Moving on in the face of her grief? Or giving over to it and letting it hold sway for the rest of her life?
How had she avoided asking these stupid, necessary questions?
The answer was simple. She’d made her whole life about work—every minute focused on the op ahead of her so she didn’t have to grieve, didn’t have to be angry or sad.
She took a deep breath and picked up the glass.
The last person she’d shared a drink with had been Drake during those long cozy days they’d spent in a cabin where the world had been shut out and yet there had seemed like there was more potential for life than she’d ever felt before.
“I don’t see the nachos, Sandra.” If she said anything else she might lose it, and she would at least like to be drunk off her ass before she made a fool of herself in front of her new friends.
Before she let herself feel. Maybe there was nothing at all foolish about that.
A brilliant smile crossed her face. “Oh, they’re coming.”
The door flew open and Kyle stood there, a fierce frown on his face and a big platter in his hands. “Am I the errand boy now? I thought we were keeping this to me washing your dishes. Now I’m your personal waiter? Are those margaritas?”