Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 145091 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145091 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
“It is. I’m trying so hard to keep my girls out of the business,” Tag said with a weary look. “I’ve got to give them enough to make them feel like they understand but not so much it hurts them. Your father might love you, but he did you harm. It doesn’t take away your love for him, but you should recognize it so you can handle your damage. She’s damaged, too. I understand what Lev was doing, what your dad was doing. They didn’t understand how to have a relationship with their kids without bringing them into the world they lived in.”
“You live in that world.”
Tag’s head shook. “Nope. I work in that world. I have a job, a career even, but my life is about my wife and kids and friends. It’s about the family I built. It’s about all those knuckleheads who somehow worked their way into my stupid heart and taking care of them. I didn’t bring Sean and Grace here so he would feed me. I brought him here because Kyle needed to see his mother. Kyle needs to remember he has something to come home to. He can’t get lost again because someone will always come and find him.”
The words made his chest feel too tight.
Who would come find him? If he died, his mother would look. She would ache but she would be given any number of stories about how he was missing, and then they might be able to come up with a lie to explain away his death. If he was taken somewhere, they would give him a star on the wall at Langley and move on.
No one would be there.
“I wanted to be with her because I thought I could find a place where I wasn’t… How do I put this? A place where I didn’t have to be me.”
“Yes, I remember that well,” Tag admitted. “I remember compartmentalizing huge portions of my life when I worked for the Agency. I’d been in the lifestyle for a while, but I got serious about D/s when I started working as an operative. It was a way to put the agent in a box and be the Dom for a while. And then there was my family, who had their own box because they didn’t know. That was the hardest part. Turns out that was the part I couldn’t handle. After Charlie died, I needed my family, and I’m not talking about blood. I did need Sean, but I needed Alex and Eve and Li and Jake. And having Adam around to punch was very necessary.”
“I remember how perfect she seemed for me because she was planning on getting out.” Drake could remember every second he spent with her. Well, after the initial sad car accident thing. Even then he’d been doing exactly what Tag was accusing him of. “She was going to go to college, and I was already thinking about how I could buy her an apartment and I could stay with her when I was in town. She was perfect because she knew about the Agency but she wasn’t going to be in the Agency.”
“And that is why you need to take a big step back,” Tag said, a grim look on his face. “How many days did you spend with her?”
“A week.” It had been the best week of his life. He’d let himself be that week. She thought he’d been investigating her, but all he’d done was watch her, pray that he had more time with her.
“And then you didn’t see her for a long time,” Tag pointed out. “You don’t know her.”
That man was forgetting his own history. “How long did it take you to fall for Charlotte?”
Tag’s expression softened as though the mention of her name did something to his soul. “I knew within a day. I married her within a month. I mourned her every minute we were apart, and despite what she will tell you, I fought her very little when she came back. She was gone for five years, three months, and twenty-two days. I felt every one of them.”
“And there have been one year, six months, and twenty-nine days since they took her from me.”
Ian’s head shook. “Try again.”
Damn it. He had to be honest or nothing would work. “Since I let them take her.”
Ian pointed his way. “There you go. You didn’t go after her. So that is your sin. You have to atone for that. You have to decide to never do that again. Ever. I believe you, Drake. And I believe that you’re a dumbass who wasn’t taught how to process the feelings you had. So what do we do about it?”
“I don’t know.” His chest felt way too tight. “I think I’m fucking this up and it will be the worst mistake of my life, but I also don’t want her out there. I don’t want her in danger. Shouldn’t I want her safe more than I want her to love me?”