Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 133688 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 668(@200wpm)___ 535(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133688 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 668(@200wpm)___ 535(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
“Will do. Bye now.” I go to my car parked behind the bank and try to ignore the weird vibe Brittany gives me. Not to mention, I’m still bothered by the way she was all over Noah at the retirement party. She barely knows him. Hell, she doesn’t know me either.
The last thing I’d do is allow Owen to go anywhere with that woman. Perhaps I’m being petty, but my gut instincts tell me otherwise.
As I drive to the house, the excitement I feel when I see Noah returns.
“Hey,” he immediately greets. By the dust on his jeans, I can tell he was messing with something around the house. “Let me take that. It smells delicious.”
His hands brush mine as he takes the bag from my grip, and I smile up at him. “Belinda’s cookin’.”
“Ahh, perfect.” He unpacks it as I grab silverware and paper plates.
“I talked to Tyler this morning,” he says as we sit at the table.
“Any news?”
“No, but I spoke to Sheriff Todd afterward, and the investigation is still active. Thankfully, there hasn’t been any other suspicious activity.”
“That’s good. Guess the plan to move your truck and disappear worked.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to target someone who’s not around.” He shrugs.
I reach over and cover his hand with mine. “They’re gonna find out who’s behind this.”
“Hopefully, but a part of me worries it won’t solve my problems. The stigma of being an ex-con will follow me for the rest of my life. If it’s not this person throwing bricks and bombs through windows, it’ll be someone else.”
I feel sick to my stomach and am more worried for Noah than I want to admit.
“I know it’s easier said than done, but positive thinking goes a long way. Many have rebuilt their lives under worse circumstances.”
“I want to, but what happened didn’t just affect me. It affected the whole town.” He blinks, then meets my eyes. “Especially you.”
“I wish you would’ve let me be there for you,” I say softly. “You didn’t give me a choice. You took that from me.”
“Katie, I know.” He sets down his sandwich and inches closer. “And if you’re ready, I’ll explain everything. It won’t change a damn thing, but maybe it’ll help you understand that it wasn’t you, it was me.”
I swallow hard because while I do want answers, I haven’t been ready to hear them. But it’s time, especially if we’re going to repair our friendship.
Slowly, I nod. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I take a bite of my sandwich as he swallows down a spoonful of soup. He lowers his eyes briefly before meeting mine, and I can see the remorse and pain behind his gaze.
“After the incident, I was overwhelmed with shame and didn’t want anyone’s pity. Going to prison wasn’t punishment enough, but losing you would hurt me the most. I assumed you’d be disgusted with me and what I’d done, but I should’ve known better. You weren’t even mad at me. Instead, you cried on my shoulder at the funeral and clung to me like I was your life support. I didn’t deserve it. Once I was behind those bars, I went numb. I craved your touch and allowed my thoughts to self-sabotage everything. I quickly went into a downward spiral of anger and depression. Images of Gabe on the floor unconscious consumed me while the memories of him hooked to the ventilator fighting to live haunted my dreams. It was impossible to sleep or eat, and when you sent me that first letter, I couldn’t understand why you didn’t hate me. I despised myself and thought I didn’t deserve your friendship.”
Noah licks his lips as I take in his words. The pain in his voice and how low he thought of himself hurts my heart.
“When you sent me the second letter with a baby picture of Owen, the realization that you’d be raising him as a single mom hit me so hard, I lost control. I got into a fight with my cellmate over something so damn stupid, I ended up getting into more trouble. It’s probably why my dad has suggested I talk to a therapist more than once.”
“What were you fighting over?” I ask to break the tension.
“Honestly, I don’t even remember. I just wanted him to hit me. I needed to feel physical pain.”
I swallow hard. “Noah.”
“I felt dead inside, and that was the only thing that made me feel alive, even if it was only temporary. What I did to you wasn’t right by any means, but ignoring your letters and denying your request to visit was how I punished myself. It was selfish, and I realize that now.”
“You wanted to suffer?” I ask softly, trying to understand.
He nods sheepishly. “Yes, I deserved it. You were giving me a get out of jail free card, and after what I’d done to you and Owen, I couldn’t accept it. After years of pushing you away, I was too embarrassed for you to see me at rock bottom in a jumpsuit and unshaven. I didn’t even want Gemma and my dad to visit, but I knew that I couldn’t stop them.”