Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 80555 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80555 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“Wow.” I tried not to sound terribly jealous but must have failed because Eric lifted the baby slightly.
“You want a turn?”
“Sure.” I wasn’t even going to try to lie as I carefully took the sleeping baby from Eric. Two decades of rust fell off in an instant as I swayed slightly, the familiar rhythm of trying to keep a dozing baby calm. I moved to the couch with the baby, and I wasn’t at all surprised when Helicopter Grandpa came to perch next to me.
“She has such a wise, old soul.” His tone hadn’t lost any of its wonder from earlier.
“She gets the chill vibe from Maren, thankfully.” I chuckled softly. “And the dramatic, slightly early entrance from Diesel.”
“Diesel did great today. You should be proud.” Eric sounded much fonder of Diesel than usual. “And I’ve seen way more dramatic births, honestly.”
“Was it hard? Watching?” I asked, meeting his gaze. “I know you. Not being able to offer much help must have been difficult.”
“It was.” Eric released a soft groan. “I’m learning there are some things we can’t control.”
“I think we’re all learning those lessons.” I rocked the baby gently, finding it easier to say what I needed to if I stared at her, not Eric. “I was trying to control you yesterday. Force you to be public and not listening to your reasons to wait.”
“And I wanted to control the situation.” Eric leaned back against the couch. “Control who knows what and how they react. Feeling in control is easier than admitting all the unknowns that neither of us can predict.”
“A lot could go wrong.” I hadn’t wanted to admit that the day before, but I couldn’t deny that Eric’s worries were grounded in a reality where shit happened.
“And a lot could go right.” Eric sounded suspiciously like me. “Like you said, we don’t have to break up.”
“I certainly don’t want to.” I gave a tight chuckle, eyes still locked on the baby. “But other bad things could still happen.”
“We can’t prevent that.” Eric exhaled hard like the admission stole his next breath. “Whether we’re together or not, one of us could still get sick or even die. Fires, floods, natural disasters. All sorts of negative circumstances could happen regardless.”
“True.” I looked down at the most miraculous thing to ever come into my life. “And sometimes good arrives when we least expect it.”
“If—when—life throws a curveball, I want you beside me to catch it.”
“I want that too.” I finally trusted myself to meet his determined gaze. “And it truly is okay if you need more time before going public.”
“I appreciate that, but there’s probably never going to be the perfect moment to tell people.” Eric patted my thigh. “And you had a pretty good list of things you want to do as a couple.”
“That’s the part that scares me. Not the natural disasters or risk of death, but the being a couple. I don’t know the first thing about sustaining a healthy relationship.”
“We can figure it out together.” His tone was far lighter than mine.
“Easy for you to say,” I said without thinking, and he abruptly withdrew his hand. Fuck. I was already screwing this up. “Sorry. That was insensitive. I meant you have the better know-how for making long-term work.”
Eric gave an uncomfortable chuckle. “I can’t compare us to my past relationships.”
“I know.”
“Hey. I don’t mean that as a negative.” He rubbed my tense shoulder. “You’re not Montgomery, and at first, I felt guilty for noticing all the ways in which you are different, but now, I think it’s freeing. We get to be our own thing.”
“Yeah.” My voice came out a weak whisper. “And I do get there’s no replacing Montgomery for any of you. You loved him.”
“And part of me always will. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love again or differently.” It wasn’t quite an admission of love for me, specifically, but his words gave me a surge of hope.
“Thank you.”
“All day, I’ve been thinking about timing. Maren and Diesel. The baby. Us. If we’d met in our twenties, it probably wouldn’t have worked.”
“Agreed.” I had to laugh at how much I’d changed and grown through parenting. My wild, nomadic years wouldn’t have appealed to a young by-the-book paramedic.
“But we’re here now.” He bumped shoulders with me. “And maybe we should take advantage of that rather than curse the awkward timing.”
“Maybe it’s the perfect timing.” I spoke slowly as I reasoned it out in my head. “This can be the right time for us while still being awkward or hard. Perfect doesn’t mean easy.”
“Exactly. And you say you’re worried about how to be a couple. To me, that’s the answer. We simply keep showing up, even when it’s hard.”
“I like that plan.” I leaned in for a soft, sweet kiss. The baby made a snuffling noise, so we sprang apart and then chuckled together. I let my head fall onto his shoulder as I patted the baby back to sleep. A yawn escaped my chest. “The baby’s sleepiness is contagious.”