Total pages in book: 36
Estimated words: 32140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 161(@200wpm)___ 129(@250wpm)___ 107(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 32140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 161(@200wpm)___ 129(@250wpm)___ 107(@300wpm)
I thought about it long and hard. I knew I could get away with hiding it for a while but once I could no longer, I had no thoughts on what then. I suppose I could have continued to try to find Royce, but then what? He knew I had a boyfriend before him so why would he believe it is his baby? True, he took my virginity, and he knows it, but given my mom’s reputation, what if he didn’t believe the baby is his? Besides, there is no way I can keep this baby. What kind of life would it have? What kind of life would I have? I am leaving this town as soon as I graduate, and I cannot do that with a baby no matter how much I want it and love it. It deserves better than me.
“Geez Mari. Dipping in the doughnut bin much,” Lucy, one of the spotters says once she moves me to the floor. I should say something to her, but I am too embarrassed. I know I have gained weight, and she has every right to be miffed. So, I say nothing, grab my stuff once it is over and walk out of the gym.
I often take a minute before going home because I have to wait for the next bus and transfer two more buses to get to the undesirable part of town. It is a bit of a respite before going home to my mom and whatever douchebag she has with her. Hell my face is still healing from the last one.
I came from practice one-night last week and caught this drunk ass choking her over some beer. I jumped on his back, he jerked me off him, and slapped me when I got in his face. I missed two days of school trying to wait for that to fade slightly. Yeah my life is awesome. I am so lost in my own mind I don’t hear Mila, our captain, walk up behind me.
“Mari, can we talk?” Mila asks, her voice calm and low. Her eyes track my cheek, and I know she is looking at the yellowing on it. I stop myself from flinching from embarrassment.
“Sure. Yeah,” I answer by moving over so she can sit. “I know I haven't been my normal self. I’m sorry. I understand if you want to drop me from the team.” Might as well beat her to the punch. It is bound to happen.
“No, not at all but I do want to ask if you still want to be on it? I mean when I joined and became co-captain I thought I was going to build a team of sisterhood. One where we can be there for each other, share things that scare us and help one another overcome. Now looking at you, alone, obviously in pain, I don't think I have done a good job of that, and I am sorry I let you down.” I know my face shows confusion and incredulity. Is she serious? This team is the only reason I haven’t tried to kill myself. Up until now these girls have been a lifeline. My only friends even if we never hang out outside of here unless we have to. I still feel like a part of a sisterhood as a cheerleader and that has saved my life.
“No please. It’s not you. I just…I’m so used to not talking to anyone that I am not sure I could.”
“Try. We all know something is up, Mari. Look, tell me whatever is easiest to talk about. Then the harder stuff will come right out.” She smiles like she has just given me the answer to life, and I want to trust her. Mila has always been sweet, compassionate and all about us being there for one another. I have always felt I could trust her, it’s just not easy. So I take a deep breath and give it a shot.
“Okay. The truth is none of what I have to say is easy per say, but I guess this is the one you need to know anyway. I’m pregnant.” I say it and then hold my breath waiting for her response. She stares at me like she thinks I am going to laugh and say I am joking but when I don’t several different emotions show across her face, and I feel slightly deflated. “You’re probably wondering how I could be so stupid,” I whisper with tears falling down my face. She immediately looks mortified and begins shaking her head.
“No, I'm sorry. I am not judging you. I was just shocked and wondering if you are sure?” smiling, I nod my head.
“Yeah. I found out a month and a half ago.”
“Really? How far along are you?” It feels weird to be talking about this but also sort of good to be sharing it with someone.