Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
She pulls back, tipping her head back to meet my gaze. “Don’t promise me that.”
I bring in my brows. “Why?”
“Because you’re going to hurt me.”
“Eliza,” I bite out, and once more, her sweet eyes widen. “Don’t say that. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But you will.”
Her eyes search mine, and everything inside me wants to promise her I won’t. That I don’t want this to end. But I can’t say that. She deserves better than me. I’m nothing but a whore’s son with a reputation that doesn’t ever seem to change. Her certainty of me hurting her only means she still wants me, and I don’t understand that. Did she not see what happened at the party? The looks we received, the tongue-lashing from Payton. How could she even allow herself to want me or have feelings for me? I’m not worth her time. I hate that I’m bringing her down because of who I am, but when she looks at me like she is now, I don’t feel like the guy my reputation says I am. I feel like I could be hers. That I am enough.
That’s a dangerous thing.
My wife deserves the world. She got away from a fucking cult and is the strongest, most gorgeous woman I have ever met in my life. She brightens my day and makes it really hard to keep her at arm’s length. As much as I don’t want it to, I think my past has ruined my future. I’ll always be the guy who was found with a teammate’s wife.
And Eliza is better than that.
CHAPTER 30
Eliza
Tears prick my eyes, but I fight them back. I didn’t cry the whole time I told Coleson about my past. I’m not saying I’m completely healed, not by a long shot since I’ll always have that trauma in the back of my mind, and I know that. I’ve accepted that. But the tears that want to escape are for the Eliza I’ll be in eleven months. When I watch the man I love walk away from me. I don’t know if telling him my past was a good idea. I hadn’t intended on opening up to Coleson like that. I did expect him to react the way he did, because Coleson is a good man. No one can tell me any differently.
I love him.
Past, present, and future.
He is worthy of my love.
As I fight back my tears, he holds me close, kissing my temple and rubbing my back. He hasn’t let me go, and I really don’t know why. We both know the truth, but even so, I can’t stop how I feel for him. I close my eyes, leaning against his head, and I blow out a breath. He squeezes me, and I can’t keep my lips from tipping up at one side at his tight hold. Seconds turn into minutes, and neither of us moves, sitting on the side of the road while traffic whooshes by.
Despite the fact that I know he probably won’t answer, I ask, “What are you thinking?”
He swallows hard, and as I expected, he doesn’t answer right away. It takes a whole minute before he admits, “I’m trying to figure out how not to hurt you.” I don’t move, surprised by his honesty. “As I said before, I don’t want that to happen. But surely you can see why we can’t be together after a year.”
“I honestly don’t.”
He wavers, his eyes searching mine. “I don’t deserve someone who sticks up for me, who comes to my games, or who looks at me like you do. I’m not a good man.”
“I don’t agree,” I inform him, not allowing him to look away. I take his jaw in my hand, rubbing my thumb along it. “You are kind, giving, and funny when you allow yourself to be. You are letting people make you feel some kind of way about mistakes you made—”
“It was more than one mistake, Wife. I’ll always be the guy who slept with my teammate’s wife, even when I didn’t sleep with her. You need someone who is better than that.”
“I am a grown-ass adult, and I know what I need. It’s you, Coleson. Only you.”
He shakes his head. “No. Didn’t you see the way my teammates looked at us? They felt sorry for you. They’re waiting for me to cheat on you.”
“I don’t give two fucks. I know you won’t.”
“I know that.”
“Then why does it fucking matter what they think!” I exclaim, searching his gaze. He pulls his jaw from my hand, and I let my hands fall to my lap, a bit defeated by his reaction. “You’ve got to let go of this, Coleson. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know who you are, and I want you.” He only shakes his head, his jaw so tight, I’m sure he is grinding his teeth. “So, you’re shutting down?”