Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 63733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 319(@200wpm)___ 255(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 319(@200wpm)___ 255(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
“And after that first date?” Tasha asked, obviously fascinated.
Ellen ran her hands nervously over her hair. “There were more. They had this game, a competition between them to impress me. To be the first one to steal a kiss. The first one to… But they never told me I had to pick. I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to. I fell in love with the way we were together. So much that I lied to my parents, packed a bag, and the three of us spent most of the summer in a beautiful, secluded cottage. Playing house.”
“Oh my God,” Jen whispered, so shocked she couldn’t hold it in. “Mama, oh my God.”
“I know.” Ellen seemed close to tears. “It didn’t seem wrong when we were alone, but we got careless. People who lived there—strangers—started to say things. Look at me a certain way when I went into the grocery store. I know Solomon was feeling it too. He had joined the police force to do good things and he’d fought so hard to be respected. To not have people look at him and say he was his father’s son.”
Tasha was rubbing her stomach as if her children needed protection from the sadness. “So you broke it off?”
Ellen’s smile was bemused. “I didn’t. I was ashamed, Solomon was ashamed, neither one of us could stop suffering about it, but we weren’t the ones to end things. We weren’t strong enough. Shawn was. He said he loved us both so much he couldn’t bear to see us that way if he could do something about it. He said he’d leave town and I could marry Solomon and raise his children without scandal. Without him.”
“What happened?” Thinking about her father’s selflessness brought tears to her eyes. He hadn’t changed.
“I cried. Solomon… He thanked him and promised he’d take care of me and keep in touch. He was relieved his brother was leaving. I don’t know, but I think it was at that moment that I realized I loved being with them both, but I was in love with Shawn Finn. He was the one I wanted to be the father of my children. The one I wanted to laugh with every day until I died. The one I couldn’t be without.”
“That’s beautiful, Ellen.” Tasha wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand.
“Is it? I handled it so badly. Solomon never forgave either one of us, but he didn’t leave town either. It took me a while to understand why when he was clearly so unhappy. He still loves his twin brother, you see. I know he does. I’m the problem. I’m the reason it’s taken so long and it’s always such a struggle to get them in the same room. My inability to resist having both of them together destroyed their relationship.”
Uncle Sol suddenly made sense to Jen. Despite all his marriages and his house full of children, he’d always seemed so bitter and lonely. Like he was missing something vital. His brother? Or his brother’s wife?
“You see now, right, baby? You see why you can’t continue living with them? How this could worry your father and bring it all back for him? How many people you could hurt?”
“Ellen, wait, that’s not fai—”
“I see, Mama.” Jen interrupted Tasha. She felt oddly detached, like someone in shock, but it made things easier. She could see it. Declan and Trick had been together for years, but Trick had never seemed ready to commit. Until now. She could see them being happy together without her. She could also see the pain that having both of them would cause her family. Her mother. Her father.
It wouldn’t work anyway. Couldn’t work. People would forgive a lot for love. But all the stories and all the songs—every great romantic masterpiece known to man ended with two people joined as one. Everyone drew the line at three, not just her mother. No one could love more than one person—not at the same time—not if it was real. That’s what people always said.
It feels real.
She’d never meant to fall in love with them. Hadn’t she told Tasha a few weeks ago that she didn’t see Finn family dinners in their future?
When had it happened? When had she started thinking about them in terms of forever? One of their late-night talks in bed? When she was studying with Trick massaging her feet and Declan typing up his lecture, his glasses sliding down his nose?
They were so natural together that it didn’t seem wrong.
You kept it a secret. You knew.
She thought about the things Declan had taught the class about poly relationships. That the culture defined the rules but not the desires. In the end though, culture usually won.
Her family won. They had to. She couldn’t hurt them just because she was selfish enough to want more. Too much more. One more than was allowed.