Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 76041 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76041 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
“Pumpkin you okay? You’ve been standing there with a lost look on your face for about five minutes.” Dad is constantly watching and waiting. I know he expects me to have another meltdown and it scares him. “Sorry dad I was just thinking about something, I’m fine I promise.” I turned to the sink where I’d been about to rinse my coffee cup before I got sidetracked. I couldn’t bear to see that look of worry that was a constant thing with my dad these days. It’s the first time since I was a kid that we’re living together and we can’t even enjoy that because of one man’s craziness. No don’t go there Kadyn, you have enough to deal with without dropping back into that deep dark hole. I haven’t thought of him this much in a long time, not since I came here and felt free for the first time in forever.
“You can take the day off if you need to I’ll call Janet to cover…”
“No dad that’s okay I’ve got it.” Working keeps me busy and helps the days go by faster. It keeps me from dwelling too much on the past and the bleak future ahead of me. I’m eighteen years old and already I feel like my life is over. The unfairness of it all threatens to cripple me sometimes but the shrink said I have to fight to overcome those feelings. Easy for him to say he’s not the one living under a dark cloud. I’ve seen those afterschool specials; I know how these things work. I’ll be running for the rest of my life, looking over my shoulder. And no piece of paper was going to save me from the clutches of a deranged monster who’d vowed to torment me for the rest of my life.
I miss mom but I can’t call her. Too risky the cop had said. It makes me wonder what kind of justice system we have where the victim is constantly under threat from her tormentor. He has all the rights I have none. I guess I am going down that deep dark hole today after all, since my mind doesn’t seem to want to quit. I felt the threat of tears at the corners of my eyes as I tried to hurry out of the room so dad wouldn’t see. I know he feels helpless his hands too are tied. To protect me would mean a jail sentence.
What a world we live in when a man can’t protect his own flesh and blood. But the police and the lawyers had warned him against retaliation. The best he could do was uproot me from my home and move me halfway across the country. While the evil one gets to stay in his home and live freely. I know it’s only a matter of time before he finds me. In this day of technology it wouldn’t take much. The restraining order advising him to stay away wouldn’t do much I’m sure. He’s already made that known. I ran to the bathroom and threw up as the whole sordid mess came crashing down on me.
I stared in the mirror at my drawn face trying to find the girl from a few years ago. Inside I knew she was gone but it was still hard sometimes to let go. Some days I wish I could pretend that the last few years hadn’t happened and just go back to being that carefree young woman who was just starting to blossom. Who would she have become? How far would she have gone to achieve her dreams?
It wasn’t possible that life could be derailed that drastically through no fault of your own. That someone else could take away your control so easily. One day you’re an innocent teenaged girl full of hope and that boundless energy that came with youth, and in the twinkling of an eye you were a shell of yourself. Left bruised and battered in spirit, which I was beginning to think was worst than physical blows. At least those healed with time, my wounds will never heal. Not as long as my tormentor drew breath.
I wonder what would’ve happened had I met Matthew before, in a time when I was free to follow the unusual beating of my heart. I knew what that all meant, I’m not that green. I know what the shortness of breath and the racing heart implied. I know what seeing his face the last thing at night before I closed my eyes entailed; one more dream lost. I went to my room and grabbed my journal for a quick reminder before heading down to the diner. I’d written down a set of rules that I needed to follow in order for my life to have any semblance of normality. There was no place for Matt or anyone else on those pages, there can never be. I will never put another human being in danger that would be selfish after all. But how I wish…