Total pages in book: 215
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
“I’m sorry,” I cry, tasting his tears on my lips. “I’m so sorry.”
“What am I supposed to do without you?”
Not knowing what to say, I don’t respond. Instead, I crush my lips against his and kiss him deeply, letting my emotions pour out of me. Letting him feel how deep my love runs for him. How terrified I am. How crippled I am by the fear of having to leave this world and leave him behind. How I’m grieving for the life we won’t get the chance to live together, the children we’ll never have, the marriage we’ll never get a chance to screw up.
Noah kisses me right back, and I feel his overwhelming despair and agony with every swipe of his tongue over mine. When I finally pull back, we’re both panting, and I tilt my forehead against his, content to just sit here with him until the end of time.
“How much . . .” he starts before pausing and clenching his jaw, needing a second to get the question out. “How much time do we have?”
I shake my head, and he reaches up to wipe the tears off my cheeks. “I don’t know,” I tell him. “We’re going to see Dr. Sanchez tomorrow and see what she has to say, but I . . . I can’t see this going on any further than a few months. Two, maybe three if we’re lucky.”
Noah closes his eyes again, and I can almost hear the rapid beat of his heart right through his chest. “Are you going to be in pain?”
I shake my head again. “No, I’ll be okay . . . I think,” I murmur, my fingers pushing up through his hair, almost as long as it was before he shaved it for me. “They’ll make me comfortable, but it won’t be long until my organs start shutting down, and when that happens, we’ll be on the home stretch.”
“Fuck, Zo,” he breaks. “This isn’t how this was supposed to go. We were supposed to have it all.”
“I know,” I murmur, trying to soothe him the same way Mom had done for me downstairs. “But it’s okay. Fate has other plans for me, and when the time comes, I’ll be going home to Linc. I’m not going to be alone, and I won’t be sick anymore, and even though I won’t get to be in the warmth of your arms, you know I’m always going to be with you. No matter what, wherever you go, I’ll always be right here, watching over you.”
Noah holds me tighter, and as his world burns to ashes around us, he lifts us off the edge of the bed before laying me down on my pillow and following me right in, not letting me go for even a second. He curls me right into his chest and pulls the blankets up, making sure I’m always warm and have everything I could possibly need. “I love you more than life, Zoey,” he tells me. “I’m going to be right here, right ’til the end, and I swear, I’ll never let you go.”
54
Noah
Over the past three weeks, I’ve watched her deteriorate, watched as she slowly began to slip away. It’s the most excruciating thing I’ve ever had to suffer through, but I’ve held myself together, knowing just how much she needs me. I won’t allow her to fall, even if it means giving up everything I am in order to protect her.
Zoey James is my whole world. I breathe for her, and when she’s gone . . . I don’t know if I’ll even be able to breathe at all.
Most of the time, she can barely get out of bed or stay awake long enough to listen to Hazel’s stories, but she pushes through it, wanting to soak up every last second of the time she has left, and that includes senior prom. I really don’t know how this is going to go, but when she stood before me, clutching my hands, and asked if I’d be her date to prom, how could I possibly resist the chance to make her smile?
She’s been so excited about this, searching for the perfect dress and forcing her mom to video chat her through a million different stores to pick it out. It’s kept her busy and happy, but I worry about the crash on the other side. It’s as though getting to prom was a milestone for her, but what happens after that milestone has been met? What keeps her motivated to hold on then?
Dread fills my veins, but I push it aside. My only goal is to see her smile as much as possible before the inevitable end.
I stand outside her house in a black suit with my jacket open and the top few buttons of my shirt left undone. I know how she gets a kick out of seeing me all dressed up like this, and because it’s her prom—maybe the only chance she has left to do something like this—I went all out. I’m even going to knock on the door and wait for her father to help her down the stairs before putting her corsage on.