Total pages in book: 215
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
I scoot to the edge of the bed, and he takes my hand before thinking better of it and scooping his arm right under my legs and lifting me against his chest. Then turning toward the window, he takes a few strides before placing me down on my desk. He unlocks the window and opens it wide before climbing right through. Then reaching back, he scoops me right off the desk and out onto the roof of my family home.
Noah settles back against the brickwork and holds me between his legs, his hand on my thigh as his thumb brushes back and forth. His other hand wraps around my waist, and I clutch on to it, my fingers weaving through his as I feel the night breeze blowing against my face.
I breathe it in, closing my eyes and enjoying the night, wondering if this is the last one I might ever experience. “This is perfect,” I tell him. “It’s a beautiful night.”
“It’s always perfect with you,” he murmurs, dropping his face to press a kiss to my shoulder.
Gazing up at the stars, I watch as they twinkle against the dark sky as if winking right at me, enticing me to join them, and I suppose I will. “You’ve always loved watching the stars,” Noah comments.
I nod, swallowing over the lump in my throat. “When I was a little girl, I always dreamed that one day I’d dance among the stars,” I say softly, finding it easier to talk in whispers, “jumping from one to another like little sparkly stepping stones, and I guess . . . maybe I can.”
“No, Zo,” he murmurs, bringing his hand up to cradle my face, turning it back to meet my stare. “You were never supposed to be one of the many stars. You’re the whole damn sun.”
My bottom lip trembles, and I tilt my head, raising my chin just enough to kiss him. “In that case, every morning when you wake up and see the sun rays peeking through your blinds, you’ll know that’s me. Or when you’re running up and down the field, winning games and that blazing sun is making you sweat, you’ll think of me.”
“Always, Zo. Every day I’ll think of you. Morning. Noon. Night. You’ll always be right there, and anywhere I go, I’ll be able to take you with me.”
“Noah, I . . . I need you to do something for me.”
“Anything.”
“I need you to watch over Hazel,” I tell him, pausing to catch my breath as tears trickle down my face like a silent river flowing through the night. “She’s going to need you more than ever. You’re all she has left.”
“You know I will,” he vows. “I’m not going to let her fall.”
I nod, turning in his arms to rest my head against his chest. “I’m scared.”
“I know, Zo, but it’s going to be okay. Kelly will make sure you’re not in any pain and—”
“No,” I murmur. “I don’t mean that I’m scared about that. Well, I am. I’m terrified of letting go and never seeing your face again, but what really scares me is what I’m leaving behind.”
Noah fights back tears, his hand cupping the back of my neck, holding me so damn close. “How do you mean?”
“I’m terrified that you’re going to fall into the darkness like you did after Linc died,” I admit, my tears staining his shirt. “You can’t let that happen, Noah. We didn’t suffer through those three years and claw our way back only for you to fall again. I’m not going to be here to pick you back up. Promise me, Noah. Promise me you won’t let it happen. Your mom and Hazel need you too much, and I can’t go until I know that you’re going to be okay. I need you to be okay.”
“Fuck, Zo. I—”
I shake my head, needing to get the words out while I still can. “I want so much for you,” I cry, diving deep into the darkest corners of my heart. “I want you to find love again. I want you to get married and have the big house on the hill with the picket fence and a million kids running around. But more than that, I want you to know that you’re deserving of that love, and while it hurts to think about you ever loving someone else the way you’ve loved me, I don’t want you to feel guilt for opening yourself up again.”
His tears fall, his voice all choked up. “Zoey, I . . . I can’t do that,” he tells me. “I don’t want to love anybody else. I don’t want a child running around who doesn’t have your eyes. I don’t want to move on, Zo.”
“Don’t say that,” I beg, clutching him as though he were the one slipping away. “I know it’s going to be hard, excruciating even, but you’re going to make it through the other end. Then one day, when it doesn’t quite hurt so bad and you can think of me without your world crumbling around you, you’ll find that you’re ready to try.”