Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83699 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83699 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“You could have come to my apartment.”
He closed his eyes, almost as if he couldn’t bear the pain. “I should have. But the longer it went on, the harder it was to come to you. I told myself this was the opportunity I needed to concentrate on my career.” When she winced, he added quickly, “I know how wrong that was. But back then, I was trying so hard not to be like my father. To be a huge success. To never settle for good enough. I convinced myself that letting you go was for the best. Even while I wanted to call you, run to you, beg you to come back, I told myself that you could do your schooling and work on your dreams without me dragging you down or begging for your attention. The real truth was that I made success more important than love. More important than you.” He held her hand over his heart. “But I forgot the most important lesson my father taught me—that loyalty and family and love trump some nebulous definition of success. I realize now that’s why he didn’t expand, why he didn’t take chances, why he wouldn’t even change the menus when I suggested it. It wasn’t because he didn’t value my suggestions. It was because he was afraid that by expanding, by changing, he would lose his family.”
“And yet,” she whispered, “he lost you anyway.”
“No,” he said on a harsh breath, his hold tightening as he pressed their linked hands to his chest. “I lost him. I lost my family. I lost their love.” He gazed deeply into her eyes. “And through my ambition, I lost you, the best thing in my life.”
Ava rarely allowed herself to cry. But just as with Gabby and Fernsby earlier, as she faced everything she’d done wrong, a tear slid from the corner of her eye.
Ransom reached up to catch it, bringing his finger to his lips as if he were kissing it away.
“I lost you too,” she murmured. “You offered me that job, but I didn’t hear you say you needed me.”
“I’m not sure I said it out loud. But I did need you. More than anything.”
She blinked away another tear. Kids were throwing Frisbees, dogs were chasing balls, young lovers were kissing all around them. But her world had shrunk down to Ransom alone.
“All I heard was that I wasn’t good enough for anything more than tagging along after you, that the only thing I could do was hitch my wagon to your star.”
He stroked her cheek, his eyes more sad than T. Rex’s when Cammie and Dane left him behind. “I never meant it that way,” he said so softly that she leaned closer, breathed him in along with his words. “I couldn’t stand the long separations. I couldn’t live without you. I just didn’t say it that way. I wanted to be calm, cool, collected—lay out my plan, offer you a sweet package so you’d agree.” He looked at her a long, long moment. “As though you were an employee. But now I realize I did that so I didn’t have to lay my heart on the line.”
“And maybe I walked out because I wanted to say yes so badly.” And she had. She wanted her dreams, she wanted her degree, but oh, how she’d wanted him. “I ran out before I had to compromise with you, before I compromised my dreams.” She stared at the Painted Ladies, not truly seeing them, but seeing into the past, into her heart. “I kept remembering all the times my parents ignored me and my siblings. How I overachieved just to make them see me—making the honor roll at school, being on the winning debate team, becoming class valedictorian. I wanted them to see me, to love me. I did it all to get their attention.” She swallowed hard, bitter tears rising in her eyes. “But they didn’t even come to my high school graduation. They left me behind. They left all of us behind for another ski trip that was just like all their other ski trips. Until it killed them.”
He kissed away another tear that escaped.
“I wanted so badly for them to let me in. And I was so perfect. I did everything the right way. I never made a misstep.” She paused, needing to breathe. “They died without ever seeing me. And the truth is, I don’t think they ever would have. They didn’t see any of us.” Instead, they’d left behind a mountain of debt that she and Dane had to deal with while caring for their three younger siblings.
“That’s why you had your dreams, isn’t it?” Ransom asked in a gentle voice that seemed to stroke her nerve endings.
She nodded, sniffing back the tears. “Even after they were gone, I still needed to prove to them that I was good enough to love. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t just manage a nursing home, why I couldn’t just make life better for the residents. I had to own all the facilities. I had to build an empire.” She blinked, her vision cleared, and suddenly she saw everything. “That’s why I walked out that night. Because after all the things I’d done to make your life perfect, you only wanted me as your mistress. You didn’t want me.” She put her hand to her chest as if she had to hold her heart inside. “You only wanted how good we were in bed together.”