Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 90685 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90685 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 453(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
But I do have Trav.
“You going to ask a question or what?” Trav snaps me out of my internal angst.
“Why haven’t you ever gotten married?” The question surprises both of us.
Trav’s eyebrows shoot up, but he covers it quickly and replaces it with his usual I’m about to say something you won’t like expression. It’s stoic yet somehow cocky at the same time. “No one has let me have explosives at the wedding yet. It’s a first-date topic. I can’t waste my time if there’s no C4 going off during my vows.”
I snort. “That’s a hard line for you, huh?”
“Yep.”
“Now tell me the real reason.”
Trav leans forward, putting his elbows on the table and lacing his fingers together. “You want the serious answer?”
“Well, it was a serious question. I want to know. I highly doubt it’s hard for you to find someone who doesn’t fawn all over the All-American soldier type.” I shrug nonchalantly. “It’s not my thing, but I’m sure you do fine.”
“Not your thing? Want to stand up and prove that? You can’t tell me you’re not hard under this table.”
“It’s difficult to get excited when I’m paranoid about Domino’s neighbors seeing my dick. So answer the question. I won it.”
“Finding someone who wants me isn’t the problem. Finding someone who challenges me and keeps my attention is. I thought I found it once.”
“With who?” Is that a growl in my voice?
It doesn’t go unnoticed.
Trav covers a smirk. “Some rando I met in a nightclub. We barely exchanged names. It was the hottest hookup in a bathroom stall I’ve ever had.”
I preen. Reluctantly. But yep, definitely preening.
“Somewhere out there, that blond-haired, blue-eyed guy might be thinking about me too.”
My face drops, and I kick him under the table. “You asshole.”
“Okay. Okay. It was you.”
That’s better. Somewhat unbelievable, but better. “You can’t tell me it was so perfect that you were imagining seeing me again afterward.”
“True. I didn’t think I’d see you again, though I wanted to. And then you got to me first. With handcuffs. That’s when I got that … zing.”
“Zing?”
“The first and only time in my entire life I thought I could have met my soul mate.”
“When … I arrested you?”
Trav nods.
“You’ve been with countless men—”
“Hey, not countless. I know my number.”
“Which is?”
“Nope. You have to win another round if you have another question.”
“Fine, we’ll table that for later, but my point is in your entire life, the only time you felt that zing was when I arrested you.”
“Interrogated me, actually. Sure, when I saw your face on the boat that night, I got a hunch. But the way you handled my interrogation? I was pretty much gone for you.”
I swallow hard and try to assess how serious he is.
He can tell because he leans in and whispers, “I don’t lie to you, Rogue.”
Ugh. That name.
But the way he says it, with affection, it makes me not hate it so much.
“Okay, I know you’ve already answered this, and outwardly your answer makes sense, but I still don’t get why you pushed me away or tormented me that whole time. It doesn’t make sense if you actually wanted to pursue something with me.”
“How much time do we have? Do you really want me to dig deep and find psychological reasons as to why a soldier would be scared to go for the thing he wants? Why, as you put it, I have made so many enemies that the only decent night’s sleep I can get is if I’m locked away in a panic room? Nothing in my life makes sense. Least of all fighting something real with the one person I’ve thought it could be possible with.”
When he puts it like that … “Are you in therapy?”
Trav huffs. “I am. And my therapist is going to love that I put myself out there for once, and in return, I get asked if I’m getting professional help.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You did, and that’s okay. I’m not ashamed of my shortcomings. The military, in its own way, built me to be the person I am today, and while other people might think I’m fucked-up from how I got this way … I wouldn’t change it. Because I see Mike Bravo doing so much good for the world, even if it means doing bad things that blur the line of the law. I know you hate that, but in my world, lines aren’t so clear-cut. A lot of them are blurred.”
“What’s your point here?” I ask.
“My point is it’s hard to have a relationship when my life and business are so chaotic. Maybe I taunted you all those years because I knew trying something with you would complicate your life. And you deserve more than that.”
“And now?”
“Now your life is more chaotic than mine.” He can’t control his smile.