Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“Stop,” she says and holds a hand up. “Don’t. I’m acutely aware of why I’m here right now. Your grandfather controls our finances and he has never let me forget it. I can handle the truth.”
“I know, but that wasn’t very nice. I don’t blame you for any of this, I’m just saying, Grandfather’s at the point where we’re running out of grace. Letting him pick my husband might—” I shrug a little. “Although I think I’m going to screw that up.”
“Look, sweetie. I love you, but you know how I feel about your grandfather. Things are just—” She struggles for the word and settles on, “Complicated.”
Which is an understatement. Mom and Grandfather have always had a fraught relationship. Grandfather said they were so close when she was younger to the point where they’d spend days and weeks together, sometimes leaving the family to go on long fishing trips, but mostly spending quiet afternoons in the library reading and listening to music and talking. She was the clear favorite up until she turned twenty and discovered drugs. After that, Mom slowly drifted away from him, met my father, get pregnant, had me, went through all sorts of mistakes and relapses, and broke Grandfather’s heart over and over again. A lot of resentment and bitterness is baked into their relationship at this point, and I don’t know how to untangle it all or if I even could. Grandfather loves Mom, but he’s also tired of hurting and tired of watching his favorite girl fail over and over again.
And I think Mom still loves him too in her heart, but she also hates him and resents the way he controls the family. She never fit in with the Stocktons and their upper-class privilege in the same way I don’t and I think that always bothered Grandfather. But apparently, he thought she was funny and clever and he loved her free spirit, which is why he’s been so protective of her for all these years. He could’ve cut her off sooner, and there are half a dozen times I thought he might, but instead he always came back for her and always came through.
Now though, I don’t know. Mom seems so broken and sad, and Grandfather doesn’t talk about her with the same spark that he used to, and I don’t know how I can possibly fix whatever snapped between them. If it even can be fixed.
I tell her, “The truth is, Grandfather wants me to marry someone useful to the family, and I don’t even blame him.” I hold my hand up when Mom tries to interrupt. “But I realized something. Grandfather’s always going to have control of us if I go through with this. My whole life will be spent doing whatever he wants, and when he dies, I’ll be stuck doing whatever the new head of the family wants. It’ll never be about me, never, ever, ever. Which is why I might marry Ford.”
Mom blinks at that and tilts her head. “You’re saying you want to marry Ford? Have you two been dating?”
“No, I barely even know him.”
“And yet?” She sounds totally mystified. “This is what… you… want?”
“Yes. But not because I love Ford. Or because I even like him all that much. But mostly because he wants to marry me for his own reasons, and I can use him to take care of you and get a little independence for myself. I won’t be reliant on Grandfather anymore. I won’t even need the family.”
“Honey, wait, hold on. You don’t need to marry anyone just to take care of me. I’m fine, I can—” She stops there and the silence is almost painful since we both know whatever she’s about to say isn’t true. Mom would be dead a dozen times over, thrown in jail, beat up on the side of the road, homeless and abandoned and rotting if it weren’t for Grandfather. “I don’t want you to marry Ford if it’s only for my sake,” she says softly.
“It’s not just about you. It’s also about making my own choices and being my own person for once. And the look on Grandfather’s face when he finds out I’m marrying a guy from the dreaded Arc family.”
Mom laughs and pulls at her hair. It’s a nervous habit that feels so intensely familiar because I got it from her. “Father really does hate those Arcs, doesn’t he?”
“It’s stupid, but whatever. I know this is crazy, but what do you think? Am I making a huge mistake? Should I just—marry whoever Grandfather wants and not ruin everything?”
Mom sits back for a moment and studies me. She finally reaches out and takes my hand and holds it tightly. Her fingers are skinny and her skin is more wrinkled and drier than I remember, but it’s my mother, and I missed her so intensely that the suddenly physical touch is almost painful. I have to blink back the tears.