Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
“You want me to stay . . . as your nanny?”
“Yes. It’s perfect.” He dropped his hands and began pacing back and forth in front of the TV. “The kids adore you, and you’re so great with them. You learned the summer routine so quickly, I’m positive the school routine will be a piece of cake. You can stay here over the garage—I’ll insulate and heat it for you. Of course, if you want to get a different place, that’s cool too. I can—”
“Hold on.” I held up both palms. “Stop a minute. I just want to be clear. You’re asking me to stay because you want me to continue being your nanny?”
He looked uncomfortable. “Well . . . yeah.”
I took a breath and forced myself to be brave. “What happens with us?”
“Well, we could be like before. I mean, not out in the open, since you’d still be working for me, but it’s better than nothing, right?”
I closed my eyes, disappointment washing over me like heavy rain. “It’s better than nothing. But it’s not enough.”
“What do you mean?” His tone had an edge to it.
“I mean, I love the kids, and I love it here, but I’m not interested in staying because you need a nanny, Austin.” I didn’t want to cry, but a sob was working its way up to my throat.
“But this is what I can offer you right now,” he said angrily. “And I don’t understand why you won’t take it. You said you wanted a reason to stay. I’m giving you one.”
“I didn’t want to be Neil’s trophy, and I don’t want to be your secret.” The tears started to fall.
“What do you want?” he demanded.
“I want to be chosen!” I cried. “I want to be enough for someone—just me. As I am.”
He looked dumbstruck. His mouth opened, and once again, my foolish heart filled with hope—maybe he’d say the words.
But instead, he stepped back and held up his hands. “You know what? Never mind. This was a mistake.” Shouldering past me, he stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
I jumped at the noise.
Then I ran into the bedroom, threw myself facedown, and sobbed.
TWENTY-FIVE
austin
I stomped down the stairs so heavily I thought my boots might snap the steps in half.
What the hell? I’d done exactly what she wanted me to do. I’d talked to my dad, been honest about my feelings, came to her with a good offer—just like my dad said!—that meant she could stay in Cherry Tree Harbor and we could still see each other.
Okay, maybe I hadn’t given much thought to how she’d take the whole keeping it secret thing, but dammit! I’d practically come right from my dad’s house to her door. I hadn’t had a chance to think everything through. It’s not like I was embarrassed of her—I just needed to figure out the best way forward.
But she’d shot me down, so that was that.
“Fucking hell,” I grumbled as I crossed the yard. “I should never have hired her.”
Because now I loved her.
And I couldn’t fire my fucking feelings.
The following week was utter torture.
Veronica and I weren’t speaking. The kids caught colds and were tired and cranky. Xander was on my ass about installing the bar top. The truck blew a tire. On Friday morning, my dad complained about chest pains at work, and I called an ambulance, then followed it to the hospital in the truck. On the way I called Xander, and he met me there.
We were sitting in the waiting room drinking cardboard cups of terrible coffee and awaiting test results when Veronica arrived. As soon as the elevator doors opened, she flew over to us, her expression tormented. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine right now,” I said. “They’re running some tests.”
“Oh, thank god.” She put a hand on her chest. “I was panicked.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Xander texted me.”
I glared at my brother. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I’m glad he did,” said Veronica. “What can I do? I don’t have to pick up the kids from camp for another couple hours. Are you guys hungry? Can I bring you some food?”
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” my brother replied, looking at his coffee cup. “This coffee sucks. I’d give my right arm for a good dark roast right now.”
“You got it,” she said. “Austin?”
“I’m fine.” I continued to brood into my shitty coffee.
She stood there for a moment, then turned around and went to the elevator. From the corner of my eye, I watched her hit the button, get on, and disappear behind the doors.
My leg began to twitch, waiting for my brother to start in on me. His silence was driving me crazy. Finally, I broke down.
“Just say it,” I snapped.
“Say what?”
“That I’m a fucking idiot. I know it’s what you’re thinking.”
“Seems like I don’t need to say it.”