Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
And in that moment, I feel dread. The kind of cold, bone-deep fear I've trained myself to push aside—so foreign to me at first, I don't recognize it. But this time, it's different.
This time, I have Renata.
I look at her—her face pale, eyes distant and hollow—and I know I’ve lost her, piece by piece, with every drop of blood that stains my hands. The horror of what I just did and what she witnessed is written across her features. I should’ve kept her away from this—from the monster I am—but I didn’t. I let her see it all, the blood, the brutality, the fucking darkness that festers inside of me. I let her see it all, and it's not the first time. I can still feel his blood on my hands like a second skin, and a part of me wishes I could feel more than that.
It’s all the time I spend dwelling on this shit. We need to move.
"We don't know what he meant," I say, my voice cold, distant, almost disembodies, as if it's coming from an overhead speaker. I want to reach out and pull her close to me and tell her it will be okay, but I can't because I don't believe that anymore. The worst has come to our doorstep—Carlos has found us, and I've exposed Renata to the very thing I swore I'd protect her from.
When her eyes meet mine, I see all of it—the doubt, the fear, the realization that I will never change. She doesn't say anything at first, but she doesn't have to. I can see it in her eyes. She's utterly terrified of me.
"What did that mean?" she says, trying to summon whatever strength she has left, even though she looks as if she wants to collapse. She's been through a lot tonight. First, Isabella's scare. Then, the realization that our house security was penetrated when the paramedics arrived. Witnessing me stab a man and make him bleed out on the floor. She's seen it all.
If anything, it feels like a death by a thousand cuts. She's seen me at my worst, time and time again.
“I don’t know.” We’re silent for long minutes.
The silence between us is suffocating, and all I can think is that I did the exact thing I set out not to do.
I knew better than to fall in love. I knew better than to think I could have this, that I deserved it. Because the second I let my guard down, the worst possible scenario played out. I exposed the only person—the only woman I’ve ever loved—to the demon that rages inside me. And now, I can't even protect her.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, the words hollow because I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for. For falling in love? For failing to protect her? For letting her see the darkness inside me? For not protecting her—from him, from me?
But the words hang in the air—too little, too late, a broken promise. I reach out to her, but she steps back, the distance between us growing. What started as a crack is becoming a chasm. And that's when I know it. The worst possible outcome to this whole situation is staring me in the face.
"Renata," I beg, my voice raw. I don’t even know what I’m asking for—forgiveness, a chance, anything that keeps her from slipping away.
"We have to find him," she says in a whisper, her face white as a sheet. Even her lips look pale.
"We will."
"He's here?" she says in a voice so soft I can barely hear her.
"We have to assume that's what he meant. He could've meant The Cove, or he could've just been saying something to terrify us, knowing that he was going to die and wanted to plant fear in us, but we have to assume what he said is true." I close the distance between us and hold her by her shoulders. “Tell the truth. Tell me now. What did he threaten you with?"
She shakes her head. It feels as if Renata is slipping away from me, and I can't do anything to stop it. It's like an endless nightmare, with the woman I love just out of reach, and no matter how hard I try, no matter how fast I run, no matter what I do, I can’t hold her, she just keeps slipping through my fingers.
Memories crash over me—every promise I made to keep her safe, every whispered dream of a future together. They feel like lies now. Lies I had to tell myself because I wanted to believe that I could be more than what I am. That I could be a man worthy of her love. But I'm not that man, and I never was, and never will be.
"We'll find him. We have to."
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Renata
I stare at Ollie—my protector. The monster. My husband.