Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Brad sleeps beside me, wearing an eye mask, but I keep glancing at him anyway. It’s not like it would matter if Brad caught me watching this. Naturally, I’d be interested, but anything Rust-related makes me want to burst with nerves.
Maddox is a stylish woman sitting in an elegant hipster apartment with high lofts and light coming in through oversized windows. She’s thin, blond, and has a cool snake tattoo going up one arm, somehow making tucking her hair behind her ear look sophisticated.
“Okay, so I have to be upfront about something,” she says. “Rust was not there by coincidence. The truth is, Rust and I… Well, we’ve been wanting to keep it quiet, but we’ve been on and off for years. I won’t lie. I’m the one who’s wanted to get more serious, but Rust is always so focused on his career. It broke something in me when he released that statement, making it sound like we were strangers. So, I had to set the record straight. Can you blame me?”
For the rest of the video, she goes into more detail about the party that led up to the fight. She doesn’t speak about Rust again except at the end, when she gets this dreamy look in her eyes, a look that makes me want to slap her in the face, honestly.
“I just wish he could be like he is in private with me. So sweet. So loving. So mine.”
The video ends, and I almost hurl. I take off my headphones and squeeze my hands together just to feel the pressure, a vain attempt to distract myself from the pain. Is it true? It makes more sense than the idea that Rust just happened to be jogging by. But he does run at night. Brad’s mentioned it before. He used to as a kid, anyway. I once saw him outside the window when I couldn’t sleep. I was so young. I was sure it was Rust. I wanted to yell, but I was too afraid of waking everyone.
Did Rust lie to me? He said he was a virgin, but he led the way so easily. I feel like an idiot, next-level gullible, but it’s not like I even have any right to care. If anything, I should want this. I should want something between us, making it even more impossible.
Brad wakes, yawning. “Any news?”
“Um…” I almost don’t want to tell him. He’ll hear the hitch in my voice, the pain. “Maddie Maddox has said that Rust wasn’t there by accident. They’ve been on and off for years, apparently.”
“That’s a lie,” Brad says instantly.
“How do you know?”
“He would’ve told me,” Brad says, with so much confidence it breaks my heart.
“How do you know he would’ve told you?” I snap. “Everybody has secrets,” I add, and don’t I know it.
“Something this big?” Brad says. “One hundred percent, I’d know by now. If he had a girlfriend he’d been seeing for years? We’re like brothers, Mary.”
Ew, ew, ew. No. I almost vomit just hearing him say that. There’s no way he can talk like that anymore. He doesn’t have the… the what? The right? I need to get a serious grip if I think he doesn’t have the right to talk about Rust however he wants.
“Maybe he’s kept it to himself. People do that, even with their closest friends.”
“So you keep secrets from Chrissy, do you?” he says as if thinking he’s caught me out.
As far as anybody knows, as far as anybody can tell, Chrissy and I share everything. Yet she doesn’t know about Mom’s videos. She doesn’t know about the crush. There are some things I could never talk about.
I don’t want to keep arguing this. It was a silly point to get behind anyway, as if convincing Brad that Rust is a liar could be a positive for me at all. It’s just silly. I don’t want Brad to doubt him. It makes lying to my brother easier. God, what a mess.
After we land, I spend an hour “resting” in my room next to Brad’s. I have my headphones in, watching the video of Mom. She tosses her hair, and, hatefully, it makes me think of Maddox. “If you ever feel like the world is closing in on you, if you ever feel lost, just remember, dear, I am here. I will always be here with you. Watching you.”
I’ve never noticed it on that part before, but the “watching you” seems somehow sinister, almost like a threat. I should pray and beg for even thinking something so wicked, but I can’t ignore it. Instead, I click off and go to Maddie’s social media pages. Say what you want, haters, but it’s true. Rust is just another man who broke a girl’s heart and thinks he’ll get away with it.
I wish Rust were here, but no, not with Brad next door. I wish it were that night again, the one inked into my shoulder, burned into my skin. I’d ask him right after we had sex. I’d demand to know if he’s ever done that before, but he would probably lie again if he lied already.