Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 53417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 267(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 267(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Now it all feels like a joke.
The next Monday after Graham leaves me a note, everything goes wrong at work. The weekend was amazing. Easy and carefree. Sleeping in, having lazy morning sex, and then enjoying the benefits of the penthouse while Graham worked. But it came and went far too quickly.
First thing in the morning, dressed in a prim and proper skirt suit, I show up at the office ready to tackle the day, but the CEO is in a terrible mood. I’ve worked for men like Michael Davies before. When they’re irritable, everyone walks on eggshells. It’s not a comfortable feeling.
Some of the work we were doing at the assistant level was misfiled or submitted to the wrong person, and when he calls the three of us in for a meeting with his secretary, I know it isn’t going to go well.
And it doesn’t.
I didn’t cause any of the trouble—my work was fine and that’s determined—but the CEO isn’t happy to let the other assistant’s mistake go. My jaw drops. I’ve been here almost three months and other than a few moments where small comments were made here and there, it’s been fine. It’s been great even connecting the company to charities and sharing successful strategies. I don’t work directly with the CEO though. And now I know there’s no way I ever could. I sit through about three minutes of him yelling at her—actually yelling—before I can’t stand it anymore.
Someone had to defend the poor girl. And then he’s yelling at me. As it turns out, I’m the one who’s leaving, because the CEO fires me on the spot. I leave the office with shaking hands and angry tears in my eyes and call Suzette.
“I’m really sorry,” I tell her, the second the call connects. “It didn’t work out.”
“Maddie, what?” There’s a rustling sound like she’s moving the phone to her other hand. “What didn’t work out?”
“The job. I just got fired for being unable to handle the pressure.” I tell her the story, getting angrier with every word that comes out of my mouth. “I couldn’t sit by and let it happen, so I’m done. I left the office. It’s over.”
“Okay. Maddie, this is fine. It’s a setback, obviously, but it’s not the end—”
“Maybe it should be.” I toss my hand in the air, frustrated beyond belief. “Maybe I should get real with myself and stop pretending that a positive attitude can fix every situation. I was kidding myself when I thought I could stay in this apartment.”
“I don’t think—”
“And I was kidding myself if I thought that I could get involved with a man and keep it casual.” Emotions sweep through me and every small negative thought I’ve had for the past two months tangle with themselves at the back of my throat.
Suzette doesn’t say anything. I get to an intersection by a flower shop and look away from all the pastel blooms in the window. They look like flowers for a celebration, and there’s nothing to celebrate today.
“Did something happen with Graham?” Suzette asks carefully.
“He took me to meet his friends.”
“I thought that went well. You said it did.”
“Well, no, it didn’t, because now they all know me, and I don’t understand why he’d want that. He didn’t want to show up alone, and they were too nice, like he’s actually interested in anything beyond being fuck buddies.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I did, at the beginning,” I burst out. “It seemed like fun, at the beginning. But every time we’re together, I just get more confused. He seems like he wants something real with me, but he never says so.”
“And you want to be with him.”
“I can’t be with him. I shouldn’t even be in that building.”
“Because of the cost?”
“Because of the rent, and because...” I don’t want him to notice that I got fired. Tears leak into the corner of my eyes. It’s then I realize, I’m so embarrassed. I don’t want him to start thinking of me as the woman who couldn’t handle her own life. We’d turned it into a sexy game, and now, in the space of a day, it’s not a game anymore. I don’t understand why everything feels like it’s crumbling all at once. “I just can’t.”
Suzette says all the right things a friend would, but I don’t hear any of it. All I can think about is how I’m going to have to explain to a man like Graham, someone who works their ass off day in and night out, that I got fired because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I confess to Suzette as I try to calm myself down. “I would have willingly quit if he hadn’t fired me. After all of these years, I don’t have a job.” My breath catches and I try to pull myself together, I try to get my emotions to make sense. I don’t have a passion like he does. The voice in the back of my head tells the truth. I’m just not good enough for a man like him, for an apartment like that, for a life like this. I’m a fraud. My phone beeps. Another call is coming in.