Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 53417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 267(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 267(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Except this was never about belonging to anybody. It was just to pay the rent.
I keep convincing myself of that as I get out of the shower and get dressed. I feel like I’ve just woken up from a deep, refreshing sleep, and my mind is clear for the first time since my ex left.
Is that what happens when you’re with a person who understands you? Because it felt like Graham understood me.
I might not know much about the man, but I understood what he needed from me in that moment. Needed. That was right there in his eyes. I pause, the towel wrapped around me, in front of the mirror that’s edged with steam. Hopeless romantics get their hearts broken. Suzette told me that just last week over red wine and another hard cry.
I need to stop these thoughts. I need to focus on the task at hand.
I shut down all thoughts as I get ready and get back to emails and resumés intent on finding a job and writing Graham off as a one-time divulgence.
That’s the plan, anyway, until my phone buzzes on the kitchen counter. I hear the soft hum from my walk-in closet and dash out through the apartment in bare feet. It’s too big a place for one person with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, an office, and a breakfast nook. But I’ve done the math on getting a new place on short notice. I was five hundred dollars short on this rent. I don’t have enough to cover a deposit on another place, either, unless I have roommate.
I reach the phone and snatch it up from the countertop without looking at the screen.
“Hello?”
“Maddie, it’s me.”
“Kenzie! How are you?” My heart speeds up again at the sound of my cousin’s voice. I love Kenzie to death, but her life is even more precarious than mine was before I met Kevin. “Everything okay?”
“Not really,” she says with a sigh. “I need help.”
“Oh, Kenzie,” I can’t hide the strain in my voice. My stomach sinks. I want to be in a position to help my cousin any time she calls, but I’m not. I used to be, and I will be again, but right now? I can’t even help myself.
I’m hoping all she needs is to talk things over.
“I didn’t want to have to call you,” she continues. “But I don’t have any other choice.”
“What’s due?” I ask, pacing out of the kitchen and back to the big picture windows in the living room.
“My student loans.”
My cousin never made it to graduation. She had a hard time the first two years of college. It wasn’t easy for her to settle on a major. She went through three student advisers, and all suggested she get a different degree. Now she’s part way through two separate majors and three minors and hasn’t taken classes in a year. The student loan companies won’t let her off the hook. She’s young and in severe debt.
“When?” I ask automatically.
“The fifteenth.”
“Then you still have two weeks to work it out, right?”
“I’m not going to get there.” I can hear the panic in her voice, though she tries to hide it. “I’m behind on other bills, too. Had to cover those with my savings so the electricity didn’t get turned off.”
I hate the sound of that. I don’t want my cousin—my family—to be in a position where she can’t afford basic necessities. She already works two jobs. Waitressing doesn’t always make ends meet. Today is a perfect example of that.
“Kenzie.” I try to sound as calm and reasonable as I can. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”
“Don’t say I should move in with you, Maddie. I don’t have the cash for that, either. It’s just too far.”
This is the worst part about Kevin leaving. Looking back, it’s obvious that I wasn’t happy with him. He wasn’t going to be in love with me no matter how hard I tried. That’s a tough lesson to keep learning from men, and I’m determined not to have to learn it again.
But at least when we were together, money was no object. I could send Kenzie what she needed to get by and hope that it would be enough to get her where she needed to go.
Ugh. I wish I’d ignored him about quitting my job. My grandmother was right when she told me to keep a separate savings account and build it up as much as I could. If I’d followed her advice, I wouldn’t need help covering the rent.
Then again, Graham Maxwell never would have come to my apartment. My thighs tighten and I have to close my eyes and shut down the memory.
“Kenz, I really, really want to be the person you can count on,” I begin.
She huffs a sigh, and I know it’s out of disappointment and desperation. I know that exact feeling because that’s how I felt when I woke up this morning. It’s probably a pipe dream to think that I’ll ever live a worry-free life.