Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
“Uhhh, you’re confusing me with yourself. I don’t have an alpha anything bone in my body. Guys do ask me out, and then they lose interest because my brand of crazy isn’t for them. Also, they don’t like bookish, clumsy women who live with their parents and help pay the mortgage. That’s the boring brand of crazy, not the hot brand of crazy.”
I wrinkle my nose while Kimmy shakes her head at me. She tucks the tissue into the depths of her designer bag—the very one I’ve been coveting, damn her very much—and pulls out a tube of lip stain. Leave it to her to have something that’s not gooey and is far more effective than a lipstick but still does the trick. The red on her looks glorious. The red on me will probably look garish.
“It’s your confidence, too,” she says. “But we’re not really talking about you. We’re talking about my brother. And why you can’t let yourself be hopeful. This is a job, nothing more. A secret spy mission. He’s not someone you’re going to pity and try and fix and then fall for, do you hear me? He obviously sucked as a husband. That’s why Tina ran off with the muscly twins.”
What a name. “Maybe she sucked as a wife, and that’s why she ran off. Or…or maybe neither one was a shitty wife or a shitty husband, and they just grew apart, especially since they got married young.”
“And then she went looking for hunky thrills somewhere else.” Kimmy sweeps her hand over the yard, and I have to say, it’s totally gone wild. The grass is waist-high, and there’s no telling what could be living in there. A pack of wild raccoons could have made it their home. “See? He’s not considerate. He’s been at Nanny’s for a few days already, and he hasn’t even mowed her lawn for her. Not even for the party.”
“It’s a surprise party.”
“Still. She probably asked, and he didn’t do it, so she didn’t want to nag. He’s always had his head up his behind and a giant freaking iceberg wedged up his ass, chilling between those frosty cheeks. But nothing could be colder than his heart.”
“Rude.”
My bestie’s face screws up, her bright red lips puckering into a snarl that is feral cat worthy. “No, you know what’s rude? Coming back and taking something that isn’t yours on a damn technicality.”
I take Kimmy’s hand, tucking it into my own to help simmer the rage. Kimmy is great. Seriously. She might be a little guarded and abrasive on the surface, but she’s not really like that deep down. She’s the kind of person who’s so loyal, she’ll do anything for the people she cares about, and I know that for a fact because I’m one of those people, and she has done everything for me.
“Right. I’ve got it. No falling for the target, keep my head on straight, and figure out how he has room for his head up his behind when he’s already got an iceberg in there to boot.”
Kimmy snorts and elbows me. Some of the ice in her face has thawed. “I love you. You know that, right, Remi? You always know how to make me smile even when we’re staring down the worst.”
It’s high praised indeed, and I squeeze her hand hard as I lead her up the sidewalk, which is cracked and strewn with weeds breaking through the surface. The grass has pretty much taken over, and I might have to agree with Kimmy on this one. Doing one’s grandma a solid would have been in good taste. Hell, I want to ask if I can bust out the mower, but I know for a fact that it’s one of those push things that doesn’t have an engine. I don’t even think I could push it for one pass before I turn into a sweaty, heaving mess, and also, because it’s me, my dress would totally fall off.
“Look,” Kimmy says, clenching my hand. “I just don’t want you to get hurt in all this. I came across as heartless, but I’m worried about you. I know you think my brother is a DILH.”
“What on earth is that? Some kind of pickle?”
“It’s dude I’d like to hump.”
“Ugh! He’s not a dude that I’d like to hump. Don’t worry about me. My heart is a closed-off stone. Even if it wasn’t, he’s never going to fall for my amazing charms, killer body, and sharp as shit wit. We all know he’s like every other guy out there, and every other guy doesn’t like me.” Plus, there’s always the whole I don’t have a killer body because I’m built like a stick, and no guy likes a woman who is smarter than them. Serious facts here, people. Serious facts.
“Don’t knock your body. You have a great body. You’re also super cute, and your mind is certainly sharp as shit. That’s what I was talking about when I said guys are scared of you, but we both know that Sullivan isn’t just any guy.”