Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 129408 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129408 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Drank myself into oblivion.
But I didn’t shift the blame of that hurt to Gwen. It would’ve been easier. That’s why so many women threw around words like “skank,” “slut,” “bitch.” Because it was easier to blame a skank for taking away your man than it was to realize that man wasn’t really yours in the first place.
So I didn’t do that, didn’t poke my head in the sand and blame an innocent woman who I hoped would become my sister one day.
Instead, I accepted a job in her store, swallowing all my pain and banishing it from sight.
And I did what I shouldn’t have done.
I hoped.
Firstly, my hope wasn’t for me. It was for my troubled brother, who didn’t look it but was extremely vulnerable. I hoped that he would finally find some kind of happiness that made him live, not just survive. That he’d have someone to fight for instead of someone to fight against.
And then there was my own selfish hope. That I’d somehow imagined the dismissal, the intensity of Luke’s gaze toward Gwen.
But hope was for idiots.
That day in her store when Luke came in, eyes and coffee only for her, invitation of an uncomplicated and drama-less life open.
I didn’t hate her.
I couldn’t.
I did hate myself a little in the moment they walked out the door, Luke’s hand on the small of her back. I hated that I wasn’t clean and uncomplicated and that I represented everything Luke despised.
There weren’t very many times in my life when I wanted to be something other than who I was.
That was one of them.
I hated Luke a little in that moment too. For making me crave another skin, another identity, for showing me what a fucking farce I was. What a fucking fraud.
But that was it. Love and hate were entwined; one could not exist without the other. And sometimes they existed at the same time. Within the same person.
Gwen burst in, almost weighed down with various Chanel bags. Her eyes went to the couch first, grinning wickedly.
“I half expected you to still be going at it,” she said, waltzing into the room, eyeing it as if she was expecting a naked Luke to be hanging off a sex swing. “You have a lot of making up to do, after all.”
I poked my tongue out at her. That was better than crying. Or telling her that we might’ve been over before we began. And I felt profound fucking guilt at using the smiling beauty as a weapon in a fight with Luke.
That was low. Even for me.
She grinned wider, dumping all of her bags on my dining room table.
“These are all because of you, just so you know,” she said, nodding to the bags.
I raised my brow and handed her the glass of wine. “I’m pretty sure you had a love affair with the double C before you met me.”
She took the wine. “True, but I’m a mum now. I have a love affair with my children and my husband. You made me cheat on them with Chanel. And seriously deplete their college funds.” She regarded the bags, chewing her lip.
I laughed. “You’ll always cheat on Cade with Chanel.”
She nodded. “True.” Her attention went to me, eyes narrowing like an eagle’s. “Now spill,” she demanded. “Everything. And then you better apologize to your favorite sister-in-law for not calling her the second this happened. If I like the sordid details and apology enough, I might just give you your birthday gift early.” She nodded to the bags.
“My birthday is in ten months,” I protested, not sure why I was arguing against a free Chanel bag.
She sobered a little. “Well, a late one, then. I missed the last one.”
I opened my mouth to give her yet another apology.
She held up her hand. “I get it, babe. Trust me, I do. Your brother did, even if he’d never admit it. You’ve been almost front and center with every drama we’ve had. Every wound, every blow, it hits you too. I should’ve seen it earlier.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry.”
She was apologizing to me for me running away and leaving my family in the lurch? Yeah, I could’ve never hated her.
“It’s not up to you to say sorry,” I whispered.
“It’s a girlfriend’s duty to see things in her sister that she doesn’t see in herself. So yeah, I do owe you an apology. But I also demand details. You and Luke, how long has this been going on?”
I grinned. “Oh, about twenty years.”
“Tell me something I don’t know. But I mean the porno-worthy sex on the couch kind of stuff.”
I raised my brow. “You knew?”
“About the porno couch stuff? Not until I was presented with it. Luke’s got a great ass, by the way. And your rack is perfect.” She winked.
I rolled my eyes.