Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 99960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
“Can’t we figure something out?” I asked bitterly, hurt mingling with the anger. “Don’t you care that we won’t see each other when Immigration boots me out of the country?”
Aria scowled. “Of course I care.”
“No, you don’t!” Resentment suddenly burst out of me. “You have your life here. You have North. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see me.”
“Allegra—”
“You just up and moved here without even caring that you were leaving me!”
There it was. Those words that had lived in me for years suddenly hung between us in her grand office in this grand old castle that she’d chosen over her little sister.
“Ally, that’s not how it was. Or is.” She took a step forward but I retreated.
Tears burned my eyes as all the feelings I’d kept inside bubbled to the surface. “I know you were desperate to leave, and you felt obligated to stay for me. I get that it’s selfish to wish that you’d stayed … but you didn’t even blink. As soon as Mamma decided she wanted to stick around, you were out of there, like somehow it meant that I didn’t need you anymore.”
Aria sucked in a breath. “That isn’t fair. I didn’t leave you. I just went after what I wanted in life.”
“I know that!” I cried, the tears rolling down my cheeks. “But why did you have to go somewhere I couldn’t follow? Do you know what that feels like? When the only person you’ve ever truly trusted and ever needed in this life goes where you can’t follow?” I sobbed the last word and whirled, fumbling for the door.
My sister called my name, but I kept going, rushing out of the office. I ignored her pained shouts as I shot down the hall. Staff and club members gaped at me as I ran past, but I darted by them, following the familiar halls away from the public spaces and into the staff quarters.
The cool summer air hit me as I burst outside, running toward the Range Rover my sister always let me borrow from the estate fleet when I visited.
As I tore out of there, guilt cut through my hurt.
Everything I’d said to Aria was true. It was how I felt. But that didn’t make it right. Aria had looked after me in a way no one had ever looked after her. So she’d wanted a life for herself. So what? I was going to make her feel guilty for that because that life didn’t include me?
See? Selfish.
Selfish to my core.
Sometimes I really hated myself.
It had been a year since I felt like I needed a check-in with my therapist. Gail always advised that regular check-ins were a good thing, but I’d honestly not needed to process my feelings of late. However, I considered maybe it was time to talk to her. Something this disruptive was obviously going to affect me emotionally. However, I wanted to believe that I could handle life’s little shake-ups better than I used to.
I didn’t know where I was going, but it was no surprise I ended up in the village, parking the Range Rover outside the Gloaming. My heart did a little jump when I recognized the Defender I’d parked next to.
Jared was here.
I wiped at my cheeks, checking my reflection in the rearview mirror. Thankfully, I hardly ever wore makeup unless I was going out to dinner or an event, so there was no messed-up mascara to fix. Quiet panic rode my shoulders as I hopped out of the vehicle and strolled into the pub. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had to figure out a way to stay in Scotland. I suppose I could ask around the village, see if anyone else was hiring.
Maybe Jared needed a new farmhand.
I snorted at the thought because, even though I wasn’t opposed to getting my hands dirty, I’d probably be useless. The only thing I’d ever been truly good at was making art.
The pub was fairly quiet at this time of day and the sight of Jared on a stool at the bar, with his head in his hands, caused a spark of concern to cut through my self-involved despair.
What was Jared doing here at this time? I knew from Sarah that farm life was hard work. I’d only ever seen Jared here in the late evenings.
The bartender, an older woman I didn’t know, greeted me as I approached the bar. “Afternoon. What can I get you?”
“Uh, whatever NA beer you have.” I slid onto the stool next to Jared as he reluctantly lifted his head from his hands.
The Gloaming was one of my favorite places. I just loved the cozy atmosphere. But a pub was a strange place to call a favorite when you didn’t drink. When I was fifteen, something happened that sent me on a downward spiral of partying, drugs, and alcohol. By the time I was seventeen, I got caught up with the wrong guy and while I was high, I got myself into a nasty situation. If it weren’t for Sloane Ironside, a friend who, as luck would have it, also moved to Ardnoch and married a Scot, I might not be here. Or I might be living with even worse emotional scars than I had now. Sloane got me out of that situation, and Aria and my parents got me into rehab and therapy.