Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
“He said that?”
“Yeah. I’m staying with Matt until I find a new place. Hopefully just a couple of days or so.”
“That doesn’t sound like him at all,” Sawyer muttered, concern causing the lines under his eyes to crease.
I shrugged in response. What could I possibly have said? As much as I wanted to, I didn’t know Ryder. Not the real one. He wouldn’t let me. “This probably sounds crazy, we’ve not really known each other that long, but I really care about him.”
“I know you do. And honestly? I think he feels the same.”
“I doubt that, but it doesn’t matter. Just having him as a friend makes me happy. But this… this sucks.” We sat in contemplative silence for a moment, both thinking about Ryder I imagined. “How’d you know you loved Jake?”
“Wow,” he uttered, widening his eyes. “I suppose saying ‘I just knew’ is a copout, right?”
“Not really. I think I know what you mean.”
“I’ve known Jake forever. We grew up together, shared everything. When he came back, and once I’d gotten over the shock of seeing him again, nothing had changed. I still felt like we’d known each other forever. The moment we started talking it was like the last ten years never happened. Like we’d never been apart. He’s my best friend. Always will be.”
“But not everyone sleeps with their best friend.”
“No.” He laughed. “But it’s more than that. He understands me. He loved me enough to wait for me. When we’re together I get this little rush right here,” he said, pointing to his stomach. “For ten years life felt like an act, like I was only myself when I was alone. I always put that down to the fame, that I needed to put on a constant show for the fans. It’s only now I realize I couldn’t be myself because a piece of me was missing. Jake was missing. I think that’s how I define love. When you’re apart from that person you feel a little hollow. Like you’ve forgotten something but you don’t know what.”
“That makes perfect sense to me.” Yet it also seemed bizarre. When I concentrated on the feeling in my chest, on the slight ache that wouldn’t go away, I did in fact feel a little hollow. But I couldn’t have loved Ryder. Not so soon. Not without knowing the real him, demons and all. Could I?
“You love him?”
“No,” I protested without hesitation. “I barely know him.”
“Love isn’t necessarily about knowing the other person, it’s about wanting to, and wanting to still be there when you do.”
“House is finished!” Jake beamed, strolling back into the room. The atmosphere felt tense, awkward, as if we’d been discussing some deep secret. But when Sawyer stood up and wrapped his arm around Jake’s waist, kissing him on the cheek, I figured I was alone in feeling like that.
“Great!” Sawyer said. “We should plan a trip over there in the next couple of weeks.”
“We fly out next Wednesday.”
“I don’t know whether to kiss you or punch you for being so damn controlling,” Sawyer teased.
“You couldn’t land a punch on me, baby, if you gave it your all.”
“Oh yeah?” Sawyer provoked, balling his fists in front of him and sidestepping Jake. “You don’t think so?” He went to land a playful punch and Jake’s arm flew up into a block so fast it was a mere smudge in the air. Grabbing Sawyer’s arm, Jake twisted it effortlessly behind his back, pinning him face-forward to the nearest wall.
Sawyer pouted. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Well I’m always ready. Remember that.”
Laughing, the two broke apart and made their way back over to the couch. They sat next to each other opposite me, Sawyer propping his legs up on Jake’s lap, then we chatted about insignificant nonsense while we waited for Matt.
Two weeks later…
“Mornin’,” Alex said sleepily, limply waving a hand at me when he entered the kitchen. I was still crashing at Matt’s because he asked me to. He enjoyed the company apparently. I, however, thought it was more likely because he felt sorry for me, but I agreed nonetheless because it gave me time to save up a deposit for a decent place, rather than the shitholes advertised in the newspaper.
Alex stayed over last night, taking up one of the guest rooms after a late night partying with Matt. Matt was still in bed with some chick he met in a club last night and I didn’t expect to see him for another few hours at least.
“You heard from your friend yet?”
I shook my head solemnly. I hadn’t seen or heard from Ryder in two weeks. He didn’t turn up for the Double X event and cancelled his scene with Oliver yesterday. Sawyer said Elle had seen him once or twice and that both times he’d been wasted. She was worried about him, and so was I.