Total pages in book: 48
Estimated words: 43827 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 219(@200wpm)___ 175(@250wpm)___ 146(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 43827 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 219(@200wpm)___ 175(@250wpm)___ 146(@300wpm)
“I think you’re supposed to push now baby I see the head.” I was trying to read the book we’d had on the nightstand for the past seven months, but suddenly nothing was making any sense.
“Grant if you don’t get the hell out of here with that shit…” Oh, she was one of those, why am I not surprised? I heard her parents downstairs and called them to come up. Her mom came bustling into the room with some female that looked like she was ten minutes older than dirt.
“Oh Matilda you came, thank you so much for coming.” she held out her hand and acted like the old witch was royalty. Who the fuck…?”Uh, baby who’s this?” the old owl looked me up and down like I was insignificant.
“This is the midwife.”
“The what now? Oh no you don’t I’ve already called the ambulance and they’re on their way. You will not have this baby here you will go to the hospital like a civilized human being and bring my son into the world.” I started to herd the old bat out of the room but she was already getting her potions and shit out of her bag.
“Lady did you hear me, get the fuck out, you’re not touching her.” I physically put myself between her and the bed but it was as if this old bitch was deaf for all the mind she paid me. No one was listening to me it seemed as the three women talked over me and around me.
“Come out of there Grant boy, that’s no place for a man.” It might not be but I’d seen the videos and there’s no fucking way I’m leaving her to go through that on her own. I ignored my father in law who was hiding out in the hallway and moved back to the bed. She seemed so calm, how was she so calm?
“Mom did you do what I asked?”
“Yes dear, I cancelled the ambulance, I told old Barney that it was a false alarm.” What the fuck is wrong with these people? At least the EMTs knew what they were doing, what’s this old crone gonna do, chant and incantation or some shit?
I pointed my finger at Camille because she was the damn culprit. “If anything happens to you I’m gonna tan your ass.” I think that threat had lost its bite a long time ago since ass spankings in this house usually led to deep stroking, but still.
“Grant hush, why don’t you go get the spa ready and prepare to meet your little girl?”
“No Camille I already told you about that shit, no girls. You fucks have way too many issues to contend with, no. What spa what are you talking about?” She does that shit to make me crazy. Can you imagine a ringer running around here making my ass nuts? oh hell no, the county couldn’t handle it either.
“That’s where we’re having the baby silly it’s easy, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“But…”
“It’s going to be okay sweetie, women do this all the time now, it’s the new in thing.”
“What the fuck do I care?”
In the end I did as she asked because, what else was I gonna do? The three of them acted like this was some everyday shit while my heart was in my lungs the whole time. Camille didn’t make as much noise as I expected and I was wondering how the fuck they were gonna keep my kid from drowning in all this damn water. What the fuck is he, a future Russian gymnast or some shit?
One thing I could say for this hoo-doo shit, it worked fast. No sooner was she in the water and they were gabbing like a day at the park than the old gizzard was saying something about time. Not long after that I saw my little man in the water still attached to his mama.
Well fuck, I said I wasn’t gonna do this, but when the kid disappeared behind a wall of tears I’m afraid I’d broken the man code. He was fucking gorgeous, and huge. They handed him to me blood and all but I didn’t care, my whole life came down to this one moment. Then all hell broke loose.
“It’s a girl.”
“Well shit.”
THE END