Total pages in book: 41
Estimated words: 37293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 186(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 37293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 186(@200wpm)___ 149(@250wpm)___ 124(@300wpm)
Her heart went in her throat at his words. “I am so sorry. I had no clue.”
He shook his head. “No one did, not really. My dad could hide shit pretty well. He partied, made friends, and everyone loved him.” Toby started messing with the napkin in front of him. “But then he’d take out his anger and frustration on my mom and me, hit us because he thought he was stronger.” He stared at her eyes now. “That is, he used to until I started fighting back.”
He exhaled roughly, looked at the ceiling for a moment as if he was trying to get his bearings, and when he spoke this time it was filled with so much emotion.
“I party too much, probably shouldn’t even be drinking alcohol, and have gotten into my fair share of fights. I shouldn’t be with the women I associate with, should be more responsible. We shared a connection back then, Shoshanna, and I knew I needed to be a better person. I have never felt anything else like it since.”
Her breath stalled at his words.
“I won’t sugarcoat my life, and I don’t have much to offer.” He leaned forward another inch. “But despite the rumors you heard, which I won’t deny are probably true for the most part, I do know that I want you.”
“Toby—”
“Please, baby, let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I want to be honest and tell you where I stand.” He took a deep breath and looked away. A frown marred the area between his eyes, and for a moment he seemed so vulnerable and lost.
He schooled his features and looked back at her.
“Whether you believe this or not, I want you, Shoshanna. I think about you constantly, have since that year in high school. I was just a stupid asshole that got into too much trouble to have the balls to do something about what I wanted.”
This whole conversation had turned into something so much deeper. Here he was, baring his soul because he wanted her? “I just don’t understand. You never even spoke to me in school, didn’t even know I was alive until we knocked into each other at school.” She swallowed. “And so much time has passed, Toby. After one night of sex, and you having to be gone due to … due to your father passing, you’re now saying you want me for something more, like a serious commitment?” she asked sincerely, not sure if all of this was actually happening.
He took her hand in his. “Yes, all of that and more, Shoshanna. I want you, and I know you want me, too. Whether or not I deserve to be with you is your call.” He squeezed her hand gently. “But I promise I want to show you that I do want this more than I have ever wanted anything, Shoshanna.”
“This is so crazy, Toby.”
He smiled softly. “I know, baby, and I swear I can’t even begin to describe why I feel this strongly, but I promise I do, and it feels fucking incredible.”
You might think differently when I tell you about the baby.
“Can we start over?”
“I’d really like that, but I have to talk to you about something also, Toby.” Laughing couples and happy families surrounded them. Their voices were low, intimate, yet their conversation was deep and intense.
Before she could say anything the waitress came to take their order. Was she really about to do this? It was hard to believe, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes and wanted to believe him so badly.
She just wanted him so much, and hoped that all of this worked out in the end.
20
They had left the restaurant half an hour ago, and now sat on the hood of his car overlooking Silver Springs Lake. The moon was full and high in the sky, and Toby had put a blanket under them so the chill from the metal didn’t seep through their clothing.
For a man that had a reputation for being rough around the edges, so to say, he was actually very gentle and kind.
Maybe the years since he had been out of college had really changed him like he said? He was more mature, more honest and giving now. It was strange, but she liked it. The only problem was how would this all go when she finally told him about the baby?
She stared at the lake that was clouded by the darkness of night and then glanced at Toby. “My mother thinks I am a failure because I don’t live the life she wants.” Shoshanna didn’t know why she was telling him this, maybe to get a little closer, a little more connected to him? “She came from a poor home, worked all her life until my father made it big with his investments. Then it was like she changed, just transformed into this person that was high class and forgot where she came from.”