Total pages in book: 37
Estimated words: 33586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 168(@200wpm)___ 134(@250wpm)___ 112(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 33586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 168(@200wpm)___ 134(@250wpm)___ 112(@300wpm)
“My water broke.” Well fucking shit. Where the fuck is her mother? She swore up and down that she would be here on delivery day from beginning to end. She practically lives in my fucking house, only going home when her husband drags her across the street, which is where I ended the fuck up.
Instead of moving my new family far away when she was acting like an ass, she ended up coming around in a big fucking way. All was forgiven between those two, and the next thing you know, I was giving up my digs for a family home across the street from the one I grew up in. Secretly I was happy as fuck, I love this place, but I could go for some peace and quiet.
What the fuck am I thinking about this shit for? I jumped into action, grabbing the bag that was packed and waiting. I went through the list in my head, even calling the doctor and the parents while bustling around making sure I wasn’t forgetting anything.
I got her dressed while she called her girl Dana who was home on break. Her voice didn’t sound scared anymore, so that was good. “It worked.” Say what now, what worked? I was eavesdropping like a son of a bitch because I usually pick up some good tips by listening in on her conversations. Ask me if I care that that’s a bitch move. It gets results.
Now my ears were pricked because she wasn’t acting at all like a woman who was about to go through the seven levels of hell, or what I have been secretly calling labor in my head. “I got him to lose control this time and my water broke, see you at the hospital chica.”
She hung up the phone and gave me a sappy grin. She’s too cute; too bad I’m about to strangle her ass. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Lying ass I heard you, what did you do?”
“Didn’t we talk about you listening in on my conversations?”
“My ass, now tell me why you put yourself at risk?” I gave her my most stern look but she wasn’t even worried, just stuck her foot out so I could slip her shoe on.
“Nick the baby was overdue, this is just one of those things that women say might help…”
“I don’t care what women say you can’t do shit like that.”
“But Dr. Jacobs said it was perfectly okay, she says it releases prostaglandins…”
“Prosta what? What the fuck does she know? We’re changing doctors.” I think it’s safe to say that I was in full panic mode. I was more than happy for Junior to stay in the womb until college. I am not looking forward to this shit. I’ve read the stories, I’ve seen the videos, there’s nothing that anyone can say to me to make this shit okay.
She was laughing while I was having my meltdown but that’s okay, there’s been a lot of that around here lately. When she was as ready as she was going to be, I led her down the stairs and out the door and then had to practically arm-wrestle her mom who met us in the driveway.
“I’ve got her.” If she thought I was leaving my wife to anyone else’s care at a time like this she was nuts. I bundled her into the car while grandma and grandpa climbed in the back of my new family sedan. I’m not even touching that shit. Junior better be on his best fucking behavior for the rest of his natural life as much shit as I’ve already had to deal with on account of his coming into the world.
That’s another one of those things they don’t tell you about this baby shit. Your life will never be yours again. I had a death grip on her hand as she chattered away at the two in the back. I was trying my best to remember my way to the hospital that I’ve passed a million times or more, and doing everything I could not to let on to the terror inside.
***
The hospital was a madhouse, I don’t know about anyone else, but I appreciated the fuck out of the nursing staff who practically met us at the door. I didn’t give her over to them though, but stayed with her all the way. I just liked knowing that someone who knew what the fuck was going on was there.
The doctor came in and I was wondering if maybe I was in an alternate universe or some shit. Who the fuck is that cheerful at a time like this? I sat next to the bed with her hand in mine while her mom and the doctor talked to her like she was going shopping or some shit. Did they watch the same birthing video I had? Can’t be.