Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 138169 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138169 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
“No,” Talia says, looking at Ariana with so much empathy in her eyes. “That’s not stupid at all. It’s the kind of thing you do when they’re everything.”
Why is it suddenly harder to breathe in this room?
Like there’s just not enough air here anymore.
Not for the man I am and the specter of the man Talia wishes I could be, instead of this hollow shell who can’t even give her a straight answer about whether or not we’re truly together.
I hold still, though, letting them speak.
Letting Ariana say what she needs to.
She sniffles, wiping at her eyes, even though they’re dry.
“Yeah. Brian was like that. He was my life and I’d like to think I was his, too. We were so ridiculous together, but it was great. I miss him.” Her eyes sparkle with memories. “He used to call me ‘Ariana Blondie.’ You know, like the singer?” With a snort, she tweaks a strand of her wispy blonde hair and glances at me. “Anyway, yeah, I might have a few you can try. I’ll write them down to make it easier, okay? And you can call me if none of them work and I’ll try to think of something else.”
I nod. “Thanks, Miss Lewis. That would help a lot.”
She just stands there for a moment, though, staring at the camera like it’s this talisman of grief.
“Any chance I can have it? When you’re done with it, I mean,” she asks.
“After we’re done with the reports, absolutely,” I say. “Once it’s no longer considered evidence, I’ll see if we can have the camera and any other belongings released to you, or to his next of kin. No doubt his family would want you to have it.”
“Thank you, Officer Ainsley,” she murmurs. “You’ve been great. And I’m really grateful for how kind you’ve been.”
Kind?
You’ve got the wrong guy, I want to say.
Then again, it’s not my place to deny the feelings of a grieving woman.
She jerks away then, moving on halting steps to rummage around in the kitchen drawer until she comes up with a notepad and pen and starts scribbling things down.
It’s silent in the suite except for the scratch of her pen on paper.
Talia glances up at me, but I can’t read what she’s saying.
I feel like I’m goddamned Pinocchio turning back into a wooden boy, forgetting all the things I thought I’d learned about being human in situations like this.
It’s the expectation of it, these two women looking at me like I’m something more than I am.
All I want them to see is the monster.
The man who’s only here to kill Xavier Arrendell, and they’re just a means to an end.
You don’t mean that, idiot.
It’s like I’m fighting with something inside myself. Like the monster has taken on a different face, a different will, and it wants to take me over and make me cruel, cold, remind me of my purpose.
Jet’s face flashes in my mind, accusing and wagging a finger.
What’s the matter, little Mikey? So busy chasing pussy you forgot I’m dead?
That’s right, my dude.
I’m dead ’cause you couldn’t stand up against Dad, so I had to do it for you.
I’m fucking dead, and you’re over here getting your freak on with some girl who only likes you ’cause you’re her kinky little albino doughnut.
Her pet freak.
And it looks like you let yourself be tamed.
No, goddammit.
That’s not Jet’s voice, even if it’s Jet’s corpse leering at me in my imagination. He has the same black button eyes as the crow in the closet.
That voice, that’s our father’s.
That ugly slurring voice I hated so much, constantly mocking and cruel.
I close my eyes, shaking my head sharply and pressing the heel of my palm against my temple, like I can force that voice out.
Shut it.
Shut the fuck up.
“Micah?” Talia’s voice breaks the stillness. It’s insidious how her softness gets into me, how she somehow wears down my barriers. Not with force, no, but more like the slow way a river carves a canyon a mile deep. “Are you okay?”
Yes.
Keep it the fuck together.
I open my eyes and pin on my Officer Friendly smile, even though I never use that smile with her.
“Yeah. Slight headache. Just a long day.”
Hurt flashes in her eyes. She looks at me like I’m a stranger.
Damn.
I don’t know how to tell her that the stranger is the real me.
Fortunately, Ariana saves me from having to say anything else.
She rips the top sheet off the notepad and offers it to me with a trembling smile. “Here. I tried a lot of different combinations, but hopefully one of these will work.”
“Thank you, Miss Lewis,” I say, taking the note and standing quickly. I hold my smile like it’s the only thing keeping me sane. “I’ll be in touch if we need anything else or have any additional information to share. Have a good day.” I nod to Talia, who’s still watching me like she’s trying to figure out what changed. “Miss Grey, let’s head out.”