Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
There was torment in his eyes. Maybe he’d already figured this out about me, but it felt like a long-overdue explanation. I took a deep breath. “One of the things Kenzie and I talked about today was my dad. How I thought his cheating on my mother had given me trust issues.”
Atticus blinked. “I’m surprised you went there with her.”
“Me, too. I guess when you’re around the right person, it brings out certain emotions. It was strange to talk about it with someone I hadn’t seen for years. But maybe that made it easier.”
“Well, I can see why you feel she’s easy to talk to. She’s like Tina in that way.”
“You and I have never really discussed my father in great detail, the way he’s impacted my life. There’s a lot I’ve figured out over the past few years, but I think I need to follow your lead and see a therapist. That seems like it might help.”
“I think that’s a great idea. I’ve always figured your dad had something to do with your fears about our marriage. How can you not have trust issues when the man you trusted the most failed you?” He nodded. “I get it, Nicole. I never pushed you to talk about it because I knew how much it upset you. But even before you brought it up just now…I knew the connection.”
I shook my head. “I felt bad for even mentioning my father to Kenzie. It hit me afterward that I’d been complaining about my dad when she didn’t have hers. But I didn’t have time to apologize for that because the call about Louise came in. I—”
“I’m sure she didn’t see it that way, but I get what you mean.” He sighed. “I think about Tina and Brian a lot, whenever I find myself lamenting what happened with us. As painful as it’s been being apart from you, at least I can still see you. You know? I can still be here like this and look into your eyes. See you smile back at me—sometimes, when I’m lucky. And even laugh with you. I’ll take anything I can get over nothing at all, no matter how painful it sometimes feels. That’s why I don’t want this time here to end.”
“But it will,” I whispered.
Atticus took my hand. “Ever since we broke up, I’ve looked forward to going on tour more than anything because there’s nothing worse than being home without you. Home was always where you were. And it doesn’t matter if I’m at my house in L.A. that you’ve never been to, or our old apartment in New York, being in one place just reminds me of the emptiness I’ve felt since losing you.” He looked away. “But on tour, everything is erratic and moving, and it doesn’t give me a chance to think. On tour I’m someone else. Which is just as well because there is no me without you. Being here? This is the first time in a long while I’ve wanted to stay in one place. But it’s only because you’re here.”
My fingers tingled as I yearned to touch him. Eventually I gave in and ran my hand through his hair. “Atticus…” I whispered.
“Fuck.” He bent his head back. “You touching me feels so good.” He exhaled and shut his eyes. “The other night, you were calling my name…”
My hand froze. “What do you mean?”
“In your sleep…you kept calling my name over and over.”
I had no recollection of that, but given the lack of mischievous look on his face, I had a feeling that this time, he was telling the truth about my sleep talking. I swallowed. “I was?”
“Yeah…”
“Was that it?”
“That was it. You were calling for me, yet I was right there. It’s sort of the way I feel every moment you look at me when you’re awake, Nicole. You try so hard not to feel anything, but I see it in your eyes. It’s all still here, isn’t it?” He wrapped his hand around my neck, the cold metal of his rings a contrast to the heat of his palm. “You’ll always be fucking mine. You can move on. But you will always belong to me.” He rubbed his thumb along the center of my neck. “Look at the effect I still have on you. It doesn’t matter whether I look at you or touch you like this. I see how you change instantly. You still want me.”
My breaths quickened.
He moved closer. “You can tell me it’s over. But is it really? Not as long as we’re both alive.”
His amazing scent overpowered me as his touch continued to set my body ablaze.
“Everything I want in this world is right fucking here in front of me.” Atticus lowered his hand to my back, placing his lips gently against my neck. I could feel his breath against my skin.