Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
“I’m just over it all. It feels like I’m doing nothing but beating my head against a brick wall.”
“I know, baby,” he replied, and my insides tensed up.
“Anson, does he know?”
“No. When do you go back home?”
Okay, so clearly we weren’t talking about this. He could disguise some of his conversation so Darren couldn’t tell what he was talking about and wouldn’t know I was a man. The “baby” would tell him it was someone Anson was intimate with, though. “I fly out tomorrow. I have a few days where I could see you, but training camp isn’t like the rest of the season, right? You can’t get away.”
“No. I wish I could.”
“It’ll be busy for me over the next few weeks. We should look at our schedules to see what we can figure out.” Because that’s how it would be for us, at least while I was in office—stealing a random day here and there.
“My bye week is earlier this year. The third week of October.” And it was only July…
“Okay, I’ll see what I can do. If I can get some time, I’ll come there, but if not, you might have to come to California.”
“That’s fine. Whatever it takes.”
I heard something in the background. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it made me wonder if Darren was still there and what he was doing. “I’m going to go, okay? I have some things I need to do, and I’m sure you need your rest.”
“Fine,” he said playfully before yawning. “I love you.”
“Ans…” What the fuck was he doing? If Darren didn’t know now, he sure as fuck would be asking who Anson was talking to.
“Just tell me you love me too.”
“Bossy.”
“I’m waiting.”
I laughed. “I love you too.” I sure as shit hoped he knew what he was doing. Hoped I was worth all the risk.
Chapter Forty-Three
Anson
I’d known West had had a big day. They were voting, and he’d figured they’d be in session until late. I’d started watching political news because of him, and when I’d seen his bill had been rejected, I’d known he would be crushed.
While Darren went out most nights during the season, training camp was different. Sometimes he’d chill in one of our other teammates’ rooms, and I’d use that time to call West, but tonight he’d said he was staying in. He’d taken a shower, and I’d gone back and forth about calling, but West needed me. That was all that mattered. It was like that night in Atlanta, after he’d met Mom—a switch had been flipped inside me, and even though West, Mom, and my fucking agent, whom I’d told, all thought I needed to turn that damn switch off, I couldn’t.
I didn’t want to hide anymore. I shouldn’t have to. I would deal with the fallout. I would prove myself all over again. All that should matter was that I could play football, and I sure as shit could do that.
“You got a girl you’re into so much, you’re saying I love you, and I don’t even know about her?” Darren asked, and I heard the edge of hurt in his tone.
Rolling over, I sat up and leaned against the headboard. “No,” I said, resigned. This was Darren. I had to believe it would be okay.
“No, what?”
I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit my heart was slamming against my chest, and it was becoming difficult to breathe. Still, I replied, “No, I don’t have a girl.”
Darren was sitting on the edge of his bed closest to me, legs over the side. His eyebrows knitted together as he looked at me, the truth there, but he wasn’t acknowledging it. I shrugged. “You need me to say it, man?”
“I think I need to hear that shit just to make sure we’re talking about the same thing.”
My heart dropped at that. Was this not going to be okay? If it wasn’t, would that change anything? How I felt, or who I was, or how much I loved West? No, it wouldn’t. “It was my boyfriend.”
“Oh…” he replied softly.
“That a problem?”
“What? No. Fuck that. Give me some credit. I’m just in shock. I mean, I knew something was up with you, and maybe part of me wondered at times, but…I don’t know…when you find out your best friend since you were both drafted is gay, I figure a guy deserves a bit of time to be surprised.”
“I could be bisexual.”
“Are you bi?”
“No.” With each second that went by, the tension was easing out of me.
“You’ve fucked women.”
“I know.” I looked away. “I did it because I thought I had to…because I didn’t want to be gay, ya know? I knew it would be hard, and fuck, man, you hear the shit people say. You know how it is in the locker room. I didn’t want to open myself up to that. I just want to play football. That’s it. I only want to be judged for how I play, and we both know that won’t be the case, but…he’s worth it. For me, he’s worth whatever happens. I’m worth it. I’ll prove people wrong. Show them my game is all that matters.”