Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 115737 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115737 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
‘Terribly,’ I admit. ‘I couldn’t get Stephanie out of my head.’ Jack nods his understanding. ‘She was in such a state.’
‘I know, baby. It’s awful to see, but I have to stay strong even if it makes me seem heartless. This is for the best, not just for us, but for her too. She can’t be happy in this loveless marriage.’
I go limp in his lap, wishing I could rip every thought tormenting me from my mind and be numb to it all. ‘I feel so guilty,’ I whisper. I decide here and now that tomorrow I’m going to church. I’m not religious, but God’s there for everyone, right? He doesn’t turn his back on a soul. I’ll confess my sins and pray for forgiveness. I hope he forgives me. I might hate Stephanie for what she’s done to Jack, but I still feel guilty. I’m both annoyed and comforted by it.
‘Hey.’ Jack nudges me from my hiding place, his face falling when he finds I’m tearing up. His lips press together as he runs a soft pad of a fingertip beneath my eye, catching the tear before it falls. ‘Baby, did you plan this?’ he asks seriously. ‘And when I say plan, I mean did you wake up one morning and decide you were going to go out to a bar and fall in love with a married man?’
When he puts it like that . . . ‘No.’
‘Have you killed anyone?’
‘Jack,’ I sigh quietly. ‘It doesn’t make it right.’
‘I’m not saying it does, Annie. What I’m saying is that you are not a bad person. You’re not evil or calculating or manipulative. You fell in love. If that’s a crime, then we’ll be in love together in hell.’
‘You make it sound acceptable.’
‘I’m trying to get my head straight. That’s all.’ He laughs lightly under his breath, the sound full of misery that he’s trying so hard to keep from me. ‘I’ve left Stephanie because she made it impossible to love her. I left her because if I stay, there will be nothing left of me. I left her because I want to be happy.’ He pinches my chin a little. ‘I want you to be happy. With me.’
‘I know,’ I admit, smiling a little, but it’s sad and it’s strained. ‘What happens now?’
‘I have a place near Maida Vale. There are tenants serving a few weeks’ notice. It’ll be empty by the end of the month. Until then I’ll shack up in a hotel.’
‘I’ll be able to see you?’
‘Fancy moving in with me?’ he kids, smiling when I grin. He could be shacked up in a tent on a crummy campsite for all I care. There would be nothing to stop me being with him. But I also get the feeling there’s more meaning laced between the words of his question, and it has me gathering my inner strength to tell him what I need to tell him.
‘Jack—’
‘I’ve agreed to see Stephanie this evening,’ he blurts out, and my announcement gets caught on my lips. ‘I wanted you to know so you don’t think there’s anything in it other than . . .’
‘Other than what?’ I push my body away from his a little, damning myself for being so obviously slighted and worried.
‘Other than talking like grown-ups about the arrangements.’
‘Didn’t you talk last night? When you called her?’
‘Last night all I cared about was getting her out of your flat.’
‘So you agreed to see her.’
‘It was the only way. I can’t go back on my word, Annie. Anyway, she said she’s thinking more clearly and thinks some time apart could do us good.’
‘Time apart?’ I question, not liking the sound of that.
He shrugs. ‘It’s breathing space. Time for her to get used to the idea. I’m not going to rock the boat and refuse her half an hour of my time if I get a lot more in return. Like my whole life. Trust me. I know what I’m doing.’
This is a ploy. It has to be. I listened to Stephanie last night and I watched her. She’s a desperate woman. She’ll do anything to keep him. Which brings me to something else . . .
I suddenly feel desperate myself, but I suck back my news and try to reason with myself. I can’t tell him that I’m pregnant now. He’s right. I have to trust him to do what he thinks is right, even if it kills me to let him. He’s undeniably in a mind-fuck, and I can’t add to that. I can’t make this any harder for him. I have to be patient, and I have to reasonable. After all, it is me who gets him when all this is over. It’s me who gets to have my happily-ever-after with the only man I have ever loved. The only man I’ve ever shared such a deep connection with, on every level. ‘Okay.’ I push the word out. ‘I’ll go to Lizzy’s.’ I can’t be alone at home thinking. I’ll go mad.