Total pages in book: 177
Estimated words: 163209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 816(@200wpm)___ 653(@250wpm)___ 544(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 163209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 816(@200wpm)___ 653(@250wpm)___ 544(@300wpm)
Jeremy smiled victory, but it was quick to fade. “Speaking of Kevin, I think someone ought to tell him what’s going on. I don’t know if he should find out via the news that one of his former teammates died in Los Angeles.”
“He will not care,” Jean said. When Jeremy frowned at him, Jean gave a dismissive wave of his knife and pushed his scattered pepper chunks into a pile on his cutting board. “The Ravens were a means to an end, and he was always undeniably their superior. He will not waste his time pretending to mourn dead weight; he will be as silent about this one as he was the rest.”
It seemed a callous assessment of Kevin’s character at first glance, but Jeremy had heard too many of Kevin’s private opinions over the years to dismiss it out of hand. Whether Kevin’s refusal to meet the press about the Ravens this summer was due to apathy or grief was a mystery for another day; when he came to town for the joint interview in August Jeremy could ask him outright and get a proper answer face to face.
“It’s not just Grayson,” Jeremy said, trying and failing to catch Jean’s eye. “You were hurt yesterday. Kevin will want to know.”
“He will not care,” Jean said again.
Jeremy was flabbergasted. “He is your friend.”
“He is not.”
It was such a fierce refusal Jeremy lost his train of thought. He sent Laila a wild look, but she was only studying Jean with a too-sharp stare. Jeremy turned back on Jean and tried, “He’s the one who recommended you to us. He’s done what he could this summer to help make this transition easier for all of us. And you really think he wouldn’t want to know you’re safe? You give him too little credit.”
“You give him too much. You know nothing about us.”
“You were both abused at the Nest,” Laila said, and Jean went still. “You know who broke his hand, and he knows who broke your ribs. But neither of you will confront Edgar Allan and put the blame where it belongs. He could have said something this spring when they were spreading such horrific rumors about you. Why didn’t he?”
“I don’t know which is more offensive: that you think he could have changed anything or that you think any of us wanted him to.” Jean slammed his knife down on the cutting board when Laila looked like she might protest. “They would have destroyed him if he dared speak out against them, and I would have helped them do it. Ravens do not turn against the Nest.”
“You say that, but you’re angry he couldn’t protect you.”
“He was not my partner. It was not his job to protect me, and I didn’t want him to. I just wanted him to die.”
Jeremy’s heart skipped a beat. “You don’t mean that.”
Jean dug cruel fingers into his bandages. “I was glad when he lost his hand. Exy is all he has and all he loves; I knew it would destroy him to lose it. A month in the Nest without it, maybe two, and he would have no recourse but to kill himself. I was only alive because he made me promise to survive. If he died, who could hold me to that? I would have slashed the tires on his car before I let him escape us, and he knows it.”
The silence following that unsettling confession was deep enough to drown in, and then Cat pushed her pan to a cold burner so she could join them at the island. She held her empty hand out palm-up and said nothing. Jean looked from her face to her hand, puzzling it out, then tried to pass the knife over. Cat wrapped her fingers around his wrist and waited for him to look up again before speaking.
“I’m glad you’re alive,” she said. “I’m so happy you’re here with us, and I hope you’re happy, too. I hope you tell us when you’re not so we can help you. You’re our friend, and we love you.”
Jean’s flinch was full body. “Don’t say that to me.”
Cat lifted her chin in defiance. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s the truth.”
“It can’t be. I am just—”
Whatever Jean meant to say got caught in his throat, and Jeremy watched as the light went out of him. It was the same look he’d come home with last night: the hollow stare of a man fast running out of something to hold onto. Jean wrenched out of Cat’s grip with a force that almost pulled her up onto the island. The knife was dropped halfway to the door as he stormed out, and Jeremy was off his stool even before Laila said his name.
He caught up to Jean in their bedroom. Jean was sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed, one hand clenched around his ankle and the other knotted in his shirt over his heart. He didn’t look up at Jeremy’s entrance. Jeremy climbed onto the bed as carefully as he could, waiting for a rejection that didn’t come, and settled down back-to-back with him. Jean was tense as a board but didn’t move away.