Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
“My dad—Ty’s dad—called me. He hasn’t done that in a while, and it got me in my feels in a way I don’t understand.”
“I think it’s normal that it would make you feel things. It’s a complicated situation.”
I nod, fight to ignore the pull inside me, but lose and turn my head to face him. “He called me son…said he loves me…that he’s not going to stop trying to be a part of my life. What the fuck is that? He thinks he can just storm into my world now? When I’m an adult and I don’t need him? Where the fuck was he when I was eight and didn’t understand why I didn’t have a dad? Or when I was ten and they did a father-son breakfast at school? I don’t fucking need him now. I needed him then.” I slam my hands on the steering wheel, pissed at myself for losing control, for showing I do give a shit about him, for giving him this space in my head. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with my shit.”
“Yes. I should,” Theo replies softly. “You’re my friend. If I needed something, you’re the one I’d go to, and even if I didn’t, you’d find a way to be there for me. You always do. You’d find a way to make it better, to do your best to help. Why can’t I do the same for you?”
I shake my head because he’s giving me way too much credit. “I don’t do that much for you, and most of it comes with orgasms, so I’m not sure that counts.”
“But you’d do it without the orgasms. You want everyone to think you’re so cocky, so confident. You tell me I don’t see how great I am, but you don’t either. You don’t see how incredible you are, Perry. I’m sorry you didn’t have your dad. I hate that he made you feel bad about yourself. Because you’re…” Theo shrugs. “You’re the best. You’re there for Ty, not letting him know you’re hurting because you know it will hurt him. You make me smile even when I’m not with you. I just think about you, and I feel better. You help me with school and guys. I never feel stupid around you. I don’t doubt that I could tell you anything and that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me if I needed it.”
His words rip me open, make me feel raw and exposed, but somehow…somehow they stitch me together too, close torn seams, some I didn’t even know about. He’s filling me up in ways I didn’t know were possible. Like I wasn’t solid but now I am, or I’m becoming that way.
Because of Theo.
I know what he’s saying, can read between the lines. This is more to him. He knows I see it too because he looks down at his lap, refusing to meet my gaze.
“Puppy…”
“I didn’t mean to make this about me.”
“Theo…”
“I can still keep going the way we are, though. My feelings won’t get in the way of what this is. I know you don’t want a relationship, and that’s what I agreed to, but—”
“I like you too,” falls fluidly out of my mouth. I would have expected more of a stumble, but that’s not what happens.
Theo’s head snaps up, gaze snagging on mine, eyes full of want and hope but also fear that makes me feel like the world’s biggest asshole.
“Like like? As in more than friends with benefits?”
My own fears tell me to say no, to shut this conversation down before I can get hurt, but I don’t have it in me to do that. “Yes. Sometimes it’s miserable, but most of the time it’s incredible.”
He chuckles. “Right? I feel the same. Mostly, though, the miserable part came in because I kept telling myself I didn’t feel what I feel.”
Guilt wreaks havoc on my insides. “I’m sorry I put you in that position. I don’t…I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to give you the opportunity to hurt me, but it’s also too late because I already have.” I hope that came out right, that he realizes that means there’s no turning back now. I like him, want to be with him, and there’s no changing that.
“I won’t hurt you. And even if this doesn’t work out, you’re worthy, and I’ll always want you in my life. I’ll always want you.”
Oh God. What hope do I have when he says things like that? When he makes my heart feel like it’s too big to fit inside my body?
“Come here.” I cup his face and pull him closer, press my lips to his.
The kiss is gentle, a little unsure on both sides. We’ve found a rhythm together the past couple of weeks, Theo more comfortable in being with a guy, in being with me. This time, a lot of the insecurity is coming from me. What if I fuck this up? What if Theo decides he doesn’t want me?