Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Alex never talked about his family and I’d never thought to ask. There was still so much I didn’t know about him and that made me feel bad for only a second, because then I realized how far we still had to travel together, and I couldn’t wait.
Alex had always been open about his sexuality so his reaction puzzled me. “They know you’re gay, right?”
“Oh, yeah. They weren’t overly thrilled about it, but they accepted it. They struggled more with the HIV. It was like telling them I only had days to live. I’ll never forget the look on my mom’s face. Now, we just don’t mention it. We talk around it. But they’re the keeping up with the Jones’ type. If they saw the photos, they’d think I was trying to embarrass them in front of their friends.”
I didn’t like them already. “I’m sorry. I should’ve listened when you suggested having our date here.”
“Matt, no,” Alex said, draping his arms over my shoulders. “This isn’t your fault. Last night was perfect. Whatever the consequences, I’d never change that night with you.”
I sighed, settling my hands on his hips. “You’ve said a few times that we can stop this at any time if I can’t deal with it, with being with a man, the HIV…” I sucked in a breath. “Maybe if I was a better man I’d say the same to you. But I’m not strong enough. I’m too selfish to let you go even though I hate that you’re getting dragged into all the crap that comes with me being famous. I can’t offer you a get out card, Alex. I need you.”
“And you’ve got me,” he whispered, his nose touching mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Gripping my hair, Alex pulled my mouth to his. The foul mood I’d been fermenting in dissolved in his kiss as I held his body close to mine, squeezing him as if I wouldn’t survive if I let him go.
“Take a bath with me,” Alex said against my lips. “And tell me how it went with Ashley.”
Breathing heavily, my dick throbbing in my pants, I nodded.
“Don’t be too hard on her. Not everyone finds it so easy to accept. Doesn’t mean they never will,” Alex reasoned as I ran a towel up and down my legs.
After hanging up my towel I walked, naked, through to the bedroom. Alex followed. “It was the look on her face,” I countered. “So…disgusted. At first I felt angry, but now? Well now I just feel like shit.”
Alex jumped on the bed, sitting upright against the headboard as he patted the spot next to him. I crawled up beside him, resting my head on his chest.
“I’m sure that’s the last thing she wants you to feel. Everyone takes the news differently, especially when there’s religion involved.”
“She didn’t step foot in a damn church when we were growing up. Even helped me paint Jesus sucks dick on the side of one when we were thirteen. She’s changed.”
“People do. It doesn’t make her a bad person. Bad would be if she told you she wanted nothing more to do with you. She’s trying, Matt.”
“Maybe. Doesn’t matter. I feel better now anyway.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’m with you.”
Alex slipped down the mattress, forcing me off his chest as he lay down. His curls had continued to grow and I twisted one around my finger.
“I love you,” he breathed, taking my hand and grazing my knuckles with his lips.
“You better. I watched porn for you.”
“You did what?” he quizzed with a lopsided grin.
“After I kissed you in the utility room I couldn’t make sense of it. I didn’t think I could be gay, bi, or whatever it is I am. So I did an experiment. I watched some gay porn.”
Clearly amused, he raised an eyebrow. “And how’d it go?”
“I failed miserably. Never come so hard in my life… until you got your hands on me.”
Alex laughed, tipping his head back and exposing his Adam’s apple. I wanted to kiss it, but he started talking. “I’m truly honored. Must’ve been so tough enduring such a grueling orgasm just for me.”
“You’re worth it,” I teased, kissing his nose. “I love you. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever know what that meant but I have no doubt that’s what I feel for you. The thought of losing you…it suffocates me.”
“You’re not going to lose me.”
“But I’m a jerk. Everyone says it and I know it’s true.”
“You’re my jerk, Matthew Carter, and you always will be.”
Burying my head in his neck, I inhaled the delicious scent of him. I’d never understood the saying about loving someone so much it hurts until now. It did hurt. My chest, my mind, my whole body, ached when I was with him. They throbbed with longing, desire, desperation to be closer to him, to be part of him.