Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 103102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Deanna: If you survived a weekend in the mountains.
Lexi: I’d survive long enough to kill you.
Deanna: I’m going to suggest Palm Springs. Or maybe Catalina?
Lexi: Wine country.
Deanna: I’ll tell him.
Lexi: No. Too many bnbs in wine country. I want a nice hotel. Modern. With a view and absolutely no entertainment besides each other. Wait. Was he clear about what the weekend entailed?
Deanna: Very. Though I’m not sure what he plans to do with the other 47 hours and 58 minutes.
Lexi: I go a lot longer than that.
Deanna: But will he, after six months?
Lexi: Aw, that’s sweet. I’ll be flattered. I swear.
Deanna: You should tell him that.
Lexi: I will.
Oh god, she will. That’s sweet in a disturbing way. No. It’s good she’s open. And it’s good she’s back on Team Jake.
So why don’t I feel more relieved?
If Lexi and Jake are happy, then I don’t have to worry about River’s crush. Or if he has a crush. I don’t need to spend time with him. Or prove anything to him.
Only, River adored Lexi through dozens of her conquests. He’s never been bothered by her relationship with another man. Will this really shake off his crush? He says he’s over her, but how could a romantic like him get over his supposed soul mate so quickly?
Deanna: I’ll pass the news on.
Lexi: Thanks, Dee. You’re the best. Let’s find you some D tonight. Too bad River canceled on us.
He did?
Wait. Does she mean it’s too bad because I could have sex with River? Or because we could enjoy his company?
It’s Lexi.
Of course she means sex.
But then again, it’s Lexi. That doesn’t mean she’s over the idea of having him herself. She’d happily step aside for me. But if I’m not interested, anything goes.
The ball is in my court.
Deanna: Oh?
Lexi: Yeah. A work deadline or something. But I’m still gonna take out the ladies. Find you someone.
Honestly, I’m not worried about her running off with someone. I’m not. But it never hurts to be careful.
Deanna: You’re ridiculous.
Lexi: No, babe, I’m re-dick-u-lous. And this time tomorrow, you will be too. Gotta go. Love you. Don’t forget I like a California King. No feathers. Big pool. Tell Jake.
Deanna: All the important stuff, yes. Love you too.
After I put the phone away, I convince Jake to make reservations. Which means I only have to keep my eye on Lexi until she’s snuggled up with Jake at some adorable hotel.
I can do that.
Even if I’m way more interested in figuring out where River is going tonight.
Chapter Twenty-Three
River
All afternoon, my thoughts whirl. I drive to a park I used to love, the one everyone calls Castle Park, even though that’s not the real name. When I was a kid, the jungle gym resembled an actual castle. Stone walls, sand, wooden bridges.
Now, it’s all brightly colored plastic.
The same soccer and baseball fields behind the play place. The same community center. The next generation of excited children and tired parents.
I look up from my spot under one of the overgrown trees. I need to get out of my head. Which means I need to draw what I see.
No imagination, no editorializing, no exaggeration.
The lines, exactly as they are.
It’s an exercise for young artists, so they learn to see what’s there, not what they believe is there. The world doesn’t break into lines and curves the way we imagine in our heads. Neither do colors.
It’s different.
And it takes practice, to see what’s really there.
I draw a teenager reading under a tree.
A dad kicking a soccer ball with his two daughters.
A young couple watching their kids the way Mr. Huntington watches Deanna and Lexi—with that mix of pride and expectation.
Do the poor kids feel it already? The weight of the expectations. The pressure.
For all of Mom’s faults, she never put that on me. She never expected anything of me. When things were good, that was good. I got to be a kid. Then things weren’t good, and—
She didn’t expect me to take care of her, or fix my own dinner, or get myself to school, but she left the responsibility in my hands.
When I first moved in next door to the Huntingtons, I cursed Lexi and Deanna’s luck. A father who loved them enough to give them everything in the world, to expect the world. From far away, it looked like a gift.
Now?
It’s obvious it’s a curse.
I’m not supposed to be here, thinking of Deanna, but I am. I can’t think of anything else. I can’t feel anything else.
Only need. Desire. Affection.
A need so deep and pure I can barely breathe.
She asked for magic.
I promised magic.
Only I’m the one feeling it. I’m the one overwhelmed by my desire to drag her to my bed, my home, my life.
I watch the sunset. I leave the park. I sit in the driver’s seat of my car and turn over my texts from Deanna.