Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 41577 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 208(@200wpm)___ 166(@250wpm)___ 139(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 41577 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 208(@200wpm)___ 166(@250wpm)___ 139(@300wpm)
“Maddox is deeply sorry for his behavior this evening.” He cut the water and then proceeded to wrap his right hand in a dish towel. Two distinct splotches of red appeared among the blue fibers. “He regrets that he couldn’t stick around to apologize to you in person. I assured him I would extend the courtesy.”
Maddox hadn’t seemed all that sorry to me, but I suspected he would change his tune as soon as he saw his reflection. Stepping around the blood, I fetched another towel and wetted it at the sink, then knelt to clean the drops from the floor.
“You don’t have to do that,” he said, but I did. I had invited a fox into our metaphorical hen house. It was only fair that I cleaned up after myself.
I rinsed the towel and squeezed out the blood, then washed my hands with soap. I couldn’t get them clean enough, no matter how hot the water or how hard I scrubbed.
Steam wafted toward my face. He shut off the tap and held my raw, reddened hands between his.
“Did he hurt you?”
“Not as bad as you hurt him,” I said.
My father dried my hands on the robe and then pulled me tight against him. “I’m so sorry, Paige. Maddox likes to assume what’s mine is his because that’s how it’s always been.”
“I know,” I said. “Mom told me.”
“She did?” He drew back and the trepidation on his face was both unmistakable and tinged with knowing. He’d predicted this moment, possibly from the start. “You’re probably wondering why I’d let someone like Maddox back into my life. Try to understand, when I left you, I had no one. Maddox was someone I knew, and I guess I figured, better the devil you know. But I’ve made it clear that he’s no longer welcome in my home. You were drunk and he knew it. He had no right to touch you. I could’ve fucking killed him. If Jeff and Michelle hadn’t pulled me off, I just might have.”
“Is that why everyone left?”
He snickered. “They all cleared out pretty quick after that.”
Shame dug its icy fingers around in my abdomen. “I’m sorry, too, Dad. I shouldn’t have invited Maddox. It was selfish. And in any case, Mom showing up sort of defeated the whole purpose.”
He palmed my cheek and studied me like he was trying to read my mind. “What else did she tell you?”
I swallowed hard. “She told me about the ultimatum. She even brought your old drawings for me to look at, like seeing them would prove something, which is ridiculous.”
He closed his eyes and freed himself from my grasp. It was as if a sinkhole had opened between us, though he was still technically within reach.
“People hear the word love and automatically think sex,” he said. “You were my daughter and I loved you. You were beautiful, so I watched you. Photography wasn’t my forte, so I found other ways of capturing you. I would've sooner hurt myself than let anything harm you.”
He moved into the dining area. I felt him slipping away, like air leaking slowly from a balloon.
“I don’t know,” he continued. “Maybe it was for the best that I took off. Being scrutinized like that when you’re still growing into yourself, it’s got to be hard. At least you got to have a normal adolescence.”
If normal meant happy and well-adjusted, then there’d been nothing normal about my adolescence. I’d spent most of middle and high school bouncing from one town to the next, all the while feeling like half of me was living somewhere far away.
“You really think I was better off not knowing why you left or where you’d gone?”
“Compared to the alternative? Yes. Leaving you isn’t something I’m proud of. But it beats having to tell your daughter that her mom thinks you’re a sicko.” The pain in his gaze stung me as if it were my own. “I thought about sticking it out, fighting it. But then I imagined what that would’ve been like for you. Having to answer a bunch of disgusting questions about our relationship. Not to mention the possibility that other people would see what your mom saw in those sketches. I didn’t want to put you through that, and I sure as hell didn’t want you to have to carry that around.”
I went to him and took his face into my hands. He kept his arms at his sides. I kissed his cheek and tried to kiss his lips, but he jerked away at the last second. At first, I assumed it was because of my puke-breath, but when he shook me off completely to go stand by the window, I knew it was something more.
“Dad?” I said. He stared out at the night sky, his expression impassive. I stood beside him. “Dad, talk to me.”