Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 108721 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 544(@200wpm)___ 435(@250wpm)___ 362(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108721 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 544(@200wpm)___ 435(@250wpm)___ 362(@300wpm)
This unbearable urge to claim her, to take her, and ruin her for anyone else claws at my insides, begging to be released. Needing something to keep me grounded, I squeeze the wood frame of the four-poster bed, digging my nails into it. Then I force myself to breathe slowly, in and out, until I no longer hear the thundering beat of my own heart in my ears.
Once I have control of myself again, I skirt the end of the bed and lower myself into the chair near the nightstand. Seeing her right now has sealed it for me. I can’t let her go. I fucking can’t. Her delicate features are soft, no longer holding the usual hardness that she wears daily, except for a small furrow that has formed between her brow. Even though I know I shouldn't, I gently reach forward and brush a few lingering strands of hair off her cheek. I hold my breath waiting for her to wake up, but she doesn't stir.
The need to be closer to her forces me onto my knees, and I find myself kneeling beside the bed, staring at her sleeping face. So small, so vulnerable, so very fucking breakable. She needs to be protected—from everyone but especially me.
I grit my teeth and clench my hands together as my darker nature once again tries to assert itself. Take her. Own her. Make her yours. A feral growl threatens to rip out of me as I battle against myself. I promised Bel I wouldn’t wake her, and I don’t break my promises, not to her. So even though it kills me, I don't do anything but sit there and stare at her, watching her sleep. After a few minutes my gaze travels down the length of her body, and catches on her rising and falling chest. It lingers there for a long while and then out of nowhere, it hits me.
As badly as I want her to be mine, to keep her, I can’t stand by and watch her be with another man. I have to let her go. Let her get on with her life. Or whatever life she's going to have. It’s the right thing to do even if the thought of it makes me want to claw my eyes out.
Then again, the thought of seeing her round and swollen and pregnant with a child sends a pang through my chest. The feeling is so foreign I reach up and rub at the spot.
What the actual fuck? It's weird but the idea of her being big and heavy with a child makes me feel like I've lost something. Like her being with someone else has stolen that possible future from me, and the realization of that makes it hurt more.
So much so that I can't even look at her. I think I’m going to be sick. I stand and cross the room, forcing my feet to move. As soon as I’m out of the room I close the door quietly behind me. Bel is standing across the hall, her back to the wall, looking like she’s been waiting for me the entire time.
“Sebastian, will you tell me what's going on?”
I shake my head, squeezing the test in my pocket again. “Nothing is going on. Elyse made a choice, and even if it pains me to all hell, I'm going to respect it.”
She follows on my heels as I start down the hall. “What does that mean?”
“It means nothing, Bel. It means nothing.” I whisper the last part, feeling as if for the first time in my life, the one thing I want most is out of reach. I spent so long pushing her away, refusing to accept what was right in front of me that inevitably she ended up in the arms of another man. The only person to blame for the heartache I’m feeling is myself.
I head straight for the door, needing to get out of this place. Elyse is safe here. She doesn’t need me. Drew steps out of the shadows just as I reach the door, his face twisted into a concerned look, his gaze bouncing between Bel and myself.
I bite the inside of my cheek, tasting the coppery tang of blood on my tongue. Drew’s my best friend. One of many people I could tell, but I know telling him wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make Elyse mine. So I say nothing.
When I step out into the night, my head is reeling.
How do you make yourself forget losing something that was never really yours to begin with?
29
Elyse
It feels strange to make a bed just for the sake of making a bed. When you spend months cleaning up after others as a maid, it’s hard to do nothing. Usually after I make the bed, I clean the bathroom, dust, and do the floors. I’m almost more anxious doing nothing because I feel like I’m going to be scolded for sitting here. Which is whatever since I know the real reason my anxiety is up has nothing to do with cleaning at all.