Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
“Swear?” she whispered, looking up at me.
“Swear.”
“Can I give you a hug?”
“Always.”
She fell into me, wrapping her arms around me. I held her close. I’d hold her for as long as she needed me to do so.
“And don’t worry about the journey to healing, Ave. It’s okay to go slow,” I swore.
“Go slow,” she echoed with a nod. “I think that’s what I need to do. I need to go slow.”
“Take your time.”
“I know I don’t deserve it, but…” She stepped away and gave me a small, broken smile. “Thank you for walking with me.”
I grinned back. “My favorite steps yet.”
We did exactly as we said we would do, too—we went slow.
45
NATHAN
JUNE
In June, we met on the baseball diamond twice a month for our OSS meetings. We caught up on things, and Avery mentioned the bad reality shows she was watching. I started watching them, too, so I’d have even more to discuss with her the next few times we’d spoken. It turned out that I loved bad reality shows. I spent a whole weekend binge-watching The Traitors. I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to.
I stopped working so much, too. I allowed myself to sit with my thoughts more. Figured if Avery was working on herself, I should take a page out of her book, too.
“Should I be worried about you today?” I asked her after we finished hitting around balls on the field. I walked Avery to her car and opened the driver's door.
She climbed inside, smiled, and shook her head. “No. Not today.”
“Happy?”
“Happy.”
“Good. See you in two weeks, Coach.”
46
AVERY
JULY
In July, Nathan and I not only spent time at our twice a month OSS meetings, but we texted one another a lot more, too.
Nathan
How did they not know that Phaedra was the traitor?
I smiled at my phone at the new reality show fanatic.
Avery
She plays a good game.
Nathan
I would’ve figured it out if I was on the show.
Avery
If I was on the show, I’d want to be a traitor.
Nathan
I’d guess it was you right away. You’re a bad liar.
Avery
What?! Take that back.
Nathan
Never. Side note, do you think CT and Phaedra Parks are in love? I think they are in love.
Avery
You should watch the old seasons of CT on The Challenge.
Nathan
He was on another show? Down the rabbit hole I go…
I woke one morning to find eleven missed text messages from Nathan sent through the night.
Nathan
Did you watch The Traitors Australia?
Nathan
It’s just as good as the US version.
Nathan
OH MY GOSH! THERE’S A PSYCHIC!
Nathan
Psychic is as good as I am at making guesses. She shouldn’t go to Vegas.
Nathan
Dammit, Avery. Why did you get me watching this show?
Nathan
It’s three in the morning, and they are about to vote off my favorite player.
Nathan
Yup. He’s gone.
Nathan
I’m FREAKING OUT.
Nathan
Oh crap. It’s five in the morning. Good night.
Nathan
Or, well, good morning.
Nathan
If we happen to cross each other’s paths today, please bring coffee.
Later that afternoon, I found myself standing on Nathan’s front porch. I rang his doorbell, and an extremely exhausted Nathan approached the door. He was shirtless, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes.
“Ave. You okay?” He yawned, stretching his arms out, revealing every muscle resting against his body. “What’s going on?”
I held a cup of coffee out toward him. “Crossing your path. Good afternoon, Coach.”
His tired, lazy smile spread as he took the coffee from my hands. “Good afternoon.”
I sat across from Rebecca, my therapist, nervously fidgeting with my hands in my lap. I still wasn’t used to expressing myself in this fashion. Yet Rebecca was patient with me. She never pushed me to dig deeper, which somehow made it feel like a safer place to dig deeper.
“So you were engaged,” she asked me.
I nodded. “Yes. We were together for three years. It didn’t work out. We weren’t a match.”
“Three years is a long time, though, yes?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She smiled. “But within those three years, how much did you actually open your book to your partner?”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t really open my book to anyone.”
“What about the person who you were connected to over the past few months? From what you’ve told me, it seems that he may have read some of your pages.”
“Nathan,” I said, nodding. “Yes. That’s because he had a way of figuring out how to undo the lock on my book.”
“Was it good? The two of you?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “So very good.”
“Which is why you shut your book so swiftly,” she explained.
I arched an eyebrow. “Huh? Why would I do that? Why would I shut my book when it felt so good?”
Rebecca sat back in her chair with a smile. “Because sometimes in life, we get triggered by the idea of letting someone else read our books, having someone else see our messy, dark chapters. Love only triggers us more. Sometimes we believe it’s easier to shut said book and mark it as a ‘did not finish’ instead of moving through the hard chapters toward the happily ever after. This is because we fear losing said love. But this Nathan, do you think he liked what he read of you?”