Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 95340 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 381(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95340 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 381(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
“The downstairs kind of is.” I shrug. “Brodie’s room isn’t bad considering he wasn’t expecting guests.”
I go to his desk and look around the surface, at the hockey schedules he has printed out and pinned to the corkboard—the pens he uses. A sci-fi paperback with a bookmark sticking out halfway through.
“So this dude was outside when you went over and he did what? Helped get rid of the squirrel?”
“No. He started screaming like a girl and came flying out of the room; we ended up opening the window from the outside and now we’re just waiting for it to jump out if Mark can’t get here first with his pest control guy.”
“How did you get the window open from outside? Isn’t your window like, ten feet up?”
Not really. “More like five but still too high for me to reach. He had to boost me up.”
“Boost you up?” Her brows raise. “How?”
“With his hands?”
“On your ass?” she drawls. “Kinky!”
I roll my eyes. “There was nothing kinky about it. He was lifting me because he’s strong, and we don’t have a ladder.”
Honestly, she can turn something innocent into something sexual. She’s worse than a teenage boy.
“But you said you were in a robe. Or were you not in a robe?”
“I was definitely in my robe.” And well aware of my nakedness while he was boosting me up, but I don’t mention that to her. The last thing I need is filling her head with ideas. She’s already a pervert.
“So your ass was in his face and he lifted you up so you could prop your window open and the squirrel’s buddies can come join the party.”
Basically.
“My ass was not in his face.”
“Do you think he would have told you if it was? No. He would stay silent so he could stare up your crack and your vag the same way we would do if a man was wearing a kilt.”
That makes no sense.
None.
“And now the house is wide open, and anything could climb in for the party of the year.”
Party of the year? “Why do you have to go and say shit like that? No other animals are going to get in the house.”
“Duh. Because they’re already living in the walls.” She pauses. “We should sue.”
Did I mention Bethany is pre-law and loves talking about torts and laws and the injustices of the world, of which there are far too many to list?
“You would want to sue the landlord.”
“Have you never read the renter's rights?” She’s laughing, and I see Jon in the background, and it looks like he’s slurping noodles from a large, white bowl. Ramen?
“Who the hell reads renter’s righ—” A knock on the door interrupts me. “Yeah?”
“Is that him?” Bethany whispers loudly as Brodie’s bedroom door cracks open and his face appears through a three inch gap.
“Uh.” Pause. “Is, um, everything okay in here?”
“Yeah.” I feel myself frown. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Uh.” He clears his throat. “Because it’s been like fifteen minutes and I wouldn’t mind changing into pajama pants.”
Has he never heard of a six-step skin care routine?
Sheesh.
Then again, this is his room not mine and he’s doing me a favor, so I have no cause to be salty or high-maintenance.
“Is that him?” Bethany asks, interrupting us. “He has the best voice, have him say something else,” my roommate croons as if he’s not standing four feet away listening to our every word. “Deep voices are my weakness.”
I hope her boyfriend isn’t listening too because Jon most certainly does not have a deep voice, the poor fella.
“Hi, Brodie!” Bethany begins yelling through the phone, directing her comment to Brodie, trying to get his attention. She’s even flailing one of her arms as if he can see her. “Hey, neighbor! I’m Bethany!”
Oh jeez.
I put my hand up to stop Brodie from stepping any closer, and avert my phone so she can’t see him. The last thing I need is her getting romanticizing the situation and I can one-hundred percent hear her telling him we should hook up while we’re holed up—it’s something she would do and I don’t need it said out loud in front of the poor guy.
“I’m hanging up.”
“But I want—”
“Bye!”
I cut her off—then end the call—text her almost immediately, in all caps: TEXT THAT BASTARD MARK AND TELL HIM WE HAVE A SQUIRREL TRAPPED INSIDE THE HOUSE.
Her: You asshole, you hung up on me!
Me: I didn’t need you trying to chum up with Brodie. He’s shy.
Her: You’ve known him 2 minutes, how do you know he’s shy.
I just do.
But I don’t argue. I just need her to text and call our landlord because he’s not responding to me.
Me: Sorry what I meant was I DIDN’T NEED YOU TO SAY ANYTHING EMBARASSING
Her: Puh-leez when am I ever embarrassing?
Me: Literally all the time.
Her: It’s good for you to have me around. Live a little.