Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 122097 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122097 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
“You’re living at my house. Bryn thinks I should just sleep with you and get it over with.”
He huffs out a laugh. “She’s always been a genius.”
We go quiet after that. Not for long, but long enough for us both to know that we’re thinking about sleeping together and why I’ve turned him down so far.
“So… listen, Lowyn. I know I don’t have any right to ask this—and, in fact, it could ruin things between us—”
Oh, shit. Here we go.
“—but… I can’t explain it.”
“Can’t explain what?” I know what he’s talking about. I just have an urge to make him spell it out.
“Why I acted the way I did after… you know. After I killed that guy.”
“You mean why you just… stopped talking to me? Then silently broke up with me? Then joined the Marines without telling me? Are those the things you can’t explain?”
He sighs. “I’m a dick. I… don’t deserve a second chance. And if you walk away, then…” He throws up his hands. “Then I guess that’s how it was meant to be.”
I scoff. We’re gonna have a fight. He’s been in town less than a week, he’s staying at my house, and just a few minutes ago I was thinking about sleepin’ with him and now we’re gonna have a fight.
I take a deep breath. Collin Creed is the love of my life. I am twenty-nine years old and I’ve had plenty of chances to move on.
And I haven’t.
I won’t.
But I want him to know how I feel about this. So I turn a little and look him in the eye. “Collin, I love you, I have always loved you, and if you think I’ve been waiting around for you to come back, well”—I tip my chin up—“you’d be right. So I’m not even able to get up and walk out on you right now. I’m not capable of giving you an ultimatum the way you just handed one to me.”
“Lowyn—”
“No.” I put a hand up. “That’s what that was. And fine. I agree. I won’t ask any more questions about that night, or what happened in the weeks afterward, or why I wasn’t important enough to you to even leave a note.”
His face falls. That was the intention of my speech, so I’m pretty pleased with this reaction.
“But I want you to know that you did more than ruin me for other men, Collin. You crushed me. You ripped my soul into pieces. You… you… you made me sad.”
He’s still staring at me. And he swallows hard when this last word comes out of my mouth. I’m a quiet fighter. I do not scream, or throw things, or make threats.
When I fight, I just tell the truth.
It hurts Collin a lot more to hear these things I just said than it ever would if I had simply slapped him across the face.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. You’ve already said that.”
He lets out a long breath. “I wish I could take it back.”
“You can’t. It’s done.”
“So what do we do now?”
“Well, I think you and I have a date tonight.”
There is a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “We do.”
“But I’m not in the mood for a date. Especially with your friends. I don’t think I want to be on the bowling team. So I’m just gonna go home. In fact, I think I’m gonna work tonight.”
“Work?”
“McBooms? I have to catalog a bunch of stuff, and…” I shrug and let it go. Stop trying. It’s not a lie. At all. I do have to catalog that stuff. I don’t have to do it on a Friday night, but I am.
“OK. Should I find another place to sleep?”
“Well…” I don’t know what to say to this.
“I’ll find another place to stay.”
“I’m not…” I scoff. “I’m not even sure what to say here, because we’re not even dating. But I want you to know that I’m not over you. I’m not done. I’m just…” I shake my head. “I don’t know what I feel right now. Do I love you? Yes. That was my first point. I love you, Collin. I will never stop loving you. But you hurt me. And that scares me. I don’t want to be a woman who hands out her unconditional love to a man who hurts her.”
“Fuck, Lowyn.” That cut him deep. It was meant to. He runs his fingers through his hair and then he scrubs his hands down his face.
I stand up. He stands up. “I’ll see ya tomorrow. OK? We’ll start over tomorrow.”
He nods at me, his face long and somber. “OK. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I turn my back and walk away. I don’t want to. I want to ask him… where will he stay tonight? I want to ask him if he’s OK. I want to take his hand, and take him home, and lock him up and never let him get away again.