Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 99201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 496(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 496(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
“Exactly. So I think we have to go through them, Callistina. All of them. And that’s why we can’t stay here. It’s not that I want to stop you from finding whatever it is you’re looking for, I just know that our future lies on the other side of those doors.”
I think about all this for a moment. It makes more sense than any other explanation of why we’re here. “OK,” I say. “I’ll go through the doors with you. On one condition.”
“Name it.”
“After we do that, I get to come back here and stay.”
He reaches out and touches my face with his fingertips and this small gesture of intimacy makes me shudder unexpectedly. “Why?” he says, his voice very soft now. “Just tell me why here. In this ‘when.’ There are a million other timeplaces, Callistina. Why not one of those?”
“I think,” I say, “that the better question is… why are you so against it? Why do you hate Glory Rome so much?” And while I know this is deflection on my part, it truly is the better question. We’re here because of him. Not me.
“Aside from the fact that they treat chimera like animals? Aside from the fact that they are fucking up the human genome inside those blue buildings so they can make their gods? Be the gods of gods? I mean, I could go on, but isn’t that enough?”
“But don’t all timeplaces have their faults, Eros? Are there any that are perfect?”
“Wouldn’t you like to at least try to find one that is?”
“Vinca has been destroyed. And maybe—I doubt it, but maybe if Vinca had a future I’d like to go there. To the only home I’ve ever known. Give it another go. But it’s gone, Eros. I want to move on and I want to do it quickly. I want to put the past behind me and just forget it ever happened. And this place”—I point to the sleeping city outside our window—“this place tugs at me. It’s pulling.”
“It’s pulling you into a trap, is what it’s doing.”
“Well”—I sigh, frustrated—“it’s really none of your concern. I’m none of your concern. I want to do right by you. So I will. I will travel the hallways and help you break free. All I’m asking is that you do the same for me.”
This is when I realize he’s still touching my face. Still looking deep into my eyes like he’s searching for my soul. He says, “Do you wanna know the real reason I don’t want you to stay here?”
I’m suddenly not sure. The moment feels… big. Like he’s about to admit something. So I hesitate.
He doesn’t hesitate. “I like you, Callistina. And we’ve been through some shit together, ya know? And I get that I didn’t exactly appreciate you back in Savage Falls. Kinda took you for granted. Only saw the costume and not the woman underneath. But… I think we make a good team.”
I blink at him. What is he saying? Please, please do not let this god tell me this is love! Because it’s a lie! He is unable. He is the trap, not this place!
“I’m asking if you’d consider staying with me. Journeying with me. For my sake more than yours, obviously. So that’s a bit selfish on my part. But we make a good team. And if you join me, then when it’s all over, we can find a new future together. And… if it’s this place, well…” He doesn’t want to stay here. I know this. But he says, “If this really is your place, then I’ll stay with you. If you want me to.”
That’s it. He just cursed me, didn’t he?
“Why are you looking at me that way?”
“What way?” I ask.
“Like I just… betrayed you.”
Didn’t he? Didn’t he just insinuate that he loves me? Which is a lie! I want to scream this at him, that’s how much of a blatant lie it is.
“Listen, Callistina. I don’t often like people. But you and I?” He gestures to me, then himself. “We’re friends now, right?”
“How do you figure?” I laugh these words out. They’re so preposterous. “We are not ‘friends’.”
“Do you think of us as enemies?”
“No. But that doesn’t mean we’re friends.”
“We’re… traveling together.”
“So?”
He huffs out a small breath of air, trying to manifest astonishment. Like what he’s saying makes perfect sense and I simply don’t possess the wit to decipher his intentions. So my eyes are narrowed down into slits when he says, “People who travel together… bond, Callistina. We’re bonded now. We’ve been through things together. You asked earlier if I was incapable of joy with a partner or if I was simply incapable of surrendering to them. Because joy with a partner is the manifestation of love but sacrificing for someone was all about loyalty and attachment, and that was a surrendering. I don’t love you. You know I am incapable of joy with a partner like that. But I am loyal to you. I do want what’s best for you.”