Series: Peach State Stepbros Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I don’t lie to Colin.
Ever.
I hand him back his phone. “Seriously, just let me have my phone back.”
He hands it over, eyeing me like I’ve grown a third eyeball, which makes total sense because this is not me.
Not us.
Like, at all.
Since we were kids, I’ve told him almost everything. He’s the first person I told I was being bullied in middle school, who talked me into going to administration, and who confronted them with enough force that I was never bothered again. Hell, he knew when I had my first bi impulses, the moment I started feeling attraction toward guys as well as girls. I’ve told him about hookups, break-ups…
But not this.
I’m struggling to think how to make sense of what I just did without revealing the truth, when the garage door opens and Troy says, “Okay, looks like it’s a bad starter. Common issue. I can get you set up in a few days, once I get the right part in.”
I head to the main desk, and Troy and I go back and forth about the price because he’s trying to give me labor for free, which doesn’t sound fair, but he finally convinces me.
This whole time, there’s this tension in my chest. Colin’s trying to play it cool with his bestie, but he’s looking like the time he was at the bottom of a tackle in the fourth quarter against the Bulldogs—out of it, in a daze.
I’m running through my head what the fuck I’m gonna tell him about that app…
That I’ve live streamed myself jerking off for people?
That I’ve done it more than once?
That I want to do it more?
That I don’t know why?
After we finish up with Troy, we head to Colin’s car, and as we get inside, he says, “Are we gonna talk about what just happened?”
“Can we please wait until we get back to the house?”
He grimaces. I’m sure he’s trying to make sense of why I’m acting like this.
“Please,” I beg.
“Yeah, totally.”
I feel like shit all the way back to the house; in all the time we’ve known each other, the only time Colin’s been this quiet with me in a car has been when he’s passed out.
I’m hoping I’ll have something to say by the time we get back, but I’m just spinning in my thoughts about the naughty things I’ve done on that app and the guilt of the big Step Don’t I’ve committed.
I reflect on those twinges of guilt when I was recording.
He wouldn’t want to know this, I told myself, but clearly, he fucking does.
But this is so private…
Yet when the hell have Colin and I ever done private?
I’m on edge as Colin leads me to his room, closing the door, his expression serious as ever.
“Okay, so I waited.”
“I…”
I still don’t know what the fuck to say!
“If this is that serious, you know I would never make you talk about anything you didn’t want to,” he says. “I won’t even google it if you tell me not to. But you can understand why I’m confused, right? I find a hookup app on your phone, and you’ve shown me guys on Grindr, so I don’t understand why this is something you feel you have to keep from me.”
Which puts me in a weird-ass position. “Maybe this is just what a good boundary for us is,” I say quickly, and his expression twists up.
“Boundary?”
He sounds sincerely thrown at the notion of a boundary between us, and I can’t blame him.
“Yeah, like healthy relationship boundaries. You know, so we’re not like some messed-up, codependent stepbrothers.”
“But we’re kind of codependent, right? That’s what I love about us.”
That’s what I love about us too.
Fuck, he’s making this hard.
“I just mean, I really don’t want to answer this question, Colin. And I don’t think you would like me to answer it either.”
Judging by his expression, you’d have thought I stomped across the room and decked him.
And it’s the hurt that stings the most.
Even worse, I know he has a right to be hurt.
“What about no secrets?” he asks. When I don’t answer, he adds, “Whatever it is, I’m sure you’re being safe, so I guess other than that, it’s none of my business.” He hangs his head. Despite wanting to give me my privacy, it’s clear how much this pains him.
Fuck me. Right in the jugular.
I pull my phone out of my jacket, looking at the black screen, my face warming as I think about the glimpse he got into my dirty secret. This is so fucking embarrassing, but I can’t do this to him. I’d rather endure any amount of humiliation than see him hurt.
“Okay, I’m just gonna say it, since you want to know. Just try to be open-minded.”
His gaze wavers, as though he’s trying to imagine what I could possibly be about to share, but I sincerely doubt he’s gonna figure it out on his own.