Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
“What type of law was you goin’ into again, honey? I can’t remember.”
“I was focused on family law. That’s what I’m plannin’ to return to. I know I learn fast… and… and I have a good memory. I test well. I always did well in school, actually, ever since I was a little kid.” She ran her thumb along her palm, warming the flesh to an unnatural heat. “I just feel so old to be starting over.” She hung her head, feeling some type of way. “But I’m also too young to stay put. I’ve been praying lately, too. Ain’t prayed in a long while. I got my answer last night.”
“You’re doing some spiritual traveling, huh? Only you don’t have as much baggage as ya Mama. Your load is easier to carry.”
…And there it was. The first rock unturned. Nana reached for her coffee, the one with extra cream and too much sugar, gripping the black mug tight, and mustered a shaky gulp. She’d inadvertently shined a flashlight on the dark mystery of all that was Mama. Or maybe it wasn’t inadvertent at all? Now, the theater curtains were opening.
They were quiet for a spell, letting the silence do the talking.
“…Did I ever tell you about the time I almost died?”
“No. I would’ve remembered a story like that.” Nadia leaned back and got comfortable. She could see in Nana’s eyes that she was going to gift her; with the truth.
“My first husband was the hot-tailed devil walkin’!” Nana’s face balled up like a brown paper bag wrapped around a liter of whiskey. “He wanted to keep me pregnant, but I kept miscarrying. See, back then, big families were more common. Less birth control ’nd such. If I stayed pregnant, it would be harder for me to get away from him. He never said those words, but I understood the situation just the same.” Nana’s eyes glossed over with an emotion that Nadia couldn’t read. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to afford to leave him, not with children up under me. By the time I was eighteen, I had three of ’em already. I love all of my children, but I wasn’t ready to be no mother, Nadia. Back then, we’d dabble with different concoctions for this or that, including home remedies to get rid of a baby we didn’t want to bring into this world.” Nana fretted with that same thread that hung from her robe again, her gaze averted. The breeze picked up, blowing curly bits of her hair around that weren’t bobby-pinned in place.
“It worked? The home remedies?”
“…Sometimes. Made you sick as a dog, but you had to catch the pregnancy early for it to have a chance. In the first three or four weeks was best. That wasn’t always easy to do. After that, it was far more difficult. Risky. Well, one day, I came home after havin’ one of the ladies that did such work take care of me, and—”
“How’d they do it? The women that would help with things like that?”
Nana’s eyes hooded and her complexion drew ashen. “All sorts of ways women tried. Teas. Oils. Those were not always successful. I wanted a sure thing this particular time around. I went to Ms. Claudette who’d vacuum you out… the uterus.” Nadia nodded in understanding, keeping a straight face, though her heart broke deep on the inside. “She was an old woman. In her nineties, I believe. She was from Sunnyside.
“She’d been a nurse. I’d had it done a couple times by her. It had worked. She wasn’t free, though. I would have to steal the money usually. Couldn’t wait too long by workin’ an odd job and savin’. She charged twenty dollars. That was a lotta money back then. I’d take a lil’ bit here and there outta your granddaddy’s wallet, but not enough for him to notice. It still was never enough. I’d make up for the rest by stealin’ tips off restaurant tables… things like that. On the third time I needed her, something didn’t go right.”
“What happened?”
“She did her usual thing, but afterwards, I was havin’ troubles. I was bleedin’ a lot. I went on home with some herb medicine, and pads she gave me. She tol’ me it would be the last time ’cause my body couldn’t take it no more. I went home and blacked out. Well, that man found me on the kitchen floor.”
“Shit.”
“Right! Took me to the doctor right away. Doctor say, ‘She was pregnant and miscarried.’ That devil got me home, put me in the bed, and gave me the medicine the doctor gave me to stop the bleeding. I could see in his eyes he knew what I’d done… He ain’t say one word. He sat down ’side me for a long while, even held my hand. Then, soon as I second guessed myself and got ready to fall asleep, he stood tall like an oak tree. He looked down at me, balled his fist real tight… weak as I was. Hate brimmed in his eyes. I couldn’t move. Scream. Say nothin’. He swung his arm back,” Nana imitated the gesture she described, her eyes wide and dark, as if she were reliving the nightmare, “and he punched and slapped me so hard that I passed clean out. When I came to, I realized he’d beat me up some more, and had his way with me.”