Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
I couldn’t ever get this shit right. I tried to do something to help myself, and instead, I only harmed not only myself, but everyone around me.
I was such a fuck up.
And now, Axel thought I lied to him about how I felt.
Hot tears slid down my cheeks, and I sobbed into my hands as I dropped my gaze from the window.
I was so tired of hurting all the time.
Would the fucking torture ever end, or would I always suffer like this?
* * *
✶ ✶ ✶
* * *
Dr. Gresham strolled along beside me, both of us silent as we walked the path. “You’re unusually quiet, Meghan,” he finally spoke up. He looked down at me. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “They hate me,” I said quietly.
Dr. Gresham shook his head in disagreement. “Axel and Julian both love you very much.”
Tears flooded my eyes. “His goddess fell, and I let Axel down. How can they not hate me?”
“Because they love you,” he said simply. “Those two men just want you to cope, Meghan. You made a promise not only to them, but also to me as your therapist, that you would confide in them if you weren’t feeling okay, and you broke that promise.” I swallowed down my sob. “Why didn’t you go to them, Meghan?”
“Because they’re already dealing with too much,” I told him as I sniffled.
“Meghan, you’re not something they deal with,” Dr. Gresham reminded me. “They love you, and that’s so much different than Julian’s career or Axel’s schooling. You’re carrying Julian’s baby, Meghan. Both of those men are prepared to have a family with you. You’re not a burden and certainly not just some added responsibility.”
“I don’t think I was ever ready to leave,” I quietly admitted.
Dr. Gresham shook his head. “You were ready to leave and spread your wings. You just didn’t confide in someone when you felt yourself slipping. That’s where you messed up. You were prescribed that dosage of antidepressants for a reason. The amount you took combined with your other medications caused a chemical imbalance—one that was corrected when you were here the first time. So, we have to start over and get everything back on track.”
I looked up and gasped when I saw Alli sitting on a bench farther down the path, staring down at her hands blankly. “Is she okay?” I asked Dr. Gresham.
He nodded. “I can’t tell you much, but she will be okay. It’s a bit of a struggle. She’s fighting me every step of the way, but I have faith.”
“Some of us are beyond fixing, Dr. Gresham,” I told him bluntly, mostly referring to myself.
Dr. Gresham shook his head, catching on despite me not explicitly pointing out myself. “You’re one of the strongest individuals I have had the pleasure of working with, Meghan. You need to have more faith in yourself.”
I blew out a harsh breath. Alli looked up at that moment, her eyes connecting with mine. She shot me a disgusted look before she shot up from the bench and stormed away.
I flinched.
“Come on; let’s go back inside,” Dr. Gresham coaxed.
37
Axel
* * *
I glared at Julian when he shot me a disgusted look, his eyes narrowed on the cigarette between my lips. “You’re going to send yourself into an early grave,” he griped.
“Like you don’t smoke your fair share of weed when you don’t have football,” I retorted.
He scowled but didn’t say anything else. “I tried calling to talk to Meghan again,” he said after a moment.
I sighed, my heart physically aching at the thought of her. “She refused to talk to you again,” I stated more than asked, but he nodded anyway. I sighed. “I think she’s trying to learn to cope with this shit by herself. It’s typical of her, but she wants to feel stronger.”
“You tried reaching out to her?” Julian asked me as I took another drag off the cigarette.
I nodded. “Twice a day.” I smirked. “Pretty sure Mrs. Evelyn is sick of hearing my voice by this point.”
Julian snorted. “At least Meghan knows we’re not giving up on her.” He dropped into a chair, looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “I hate that we can’t be there for her during this shit.”
I sighed and put out the cigarette. “We are, just not in the way we want to be. She’s drawing strength off the fact that we’re here waiting on her, and we love her enough to keep checking on her, even if she keeps denying our calls.”
My phone went off in my pocket, and I pulled it out, my eyes widening in surprise when I saw Dr. Gresham’s name on my screen. I quickly answered it and put it on speaker so Julian could hear as well. “Hello?”
“Axel, it’s Dr. Gresham,” Dr. Gresham introduced himself. “We’ve had a bit of an issue.”