Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
“He what?” Julian snarled, his blue eyes flashing dangerously as the beast inside of him roared to be let loose.
I collapsed to my knees, the pain in my chest too fucking much to bear. I dropped my face in my hands and screamed out my agony. I was fucked up. I’d always known that. What sane, regular person needed fucking medication?
“Sweet girl, no,” Axel whispered as he drew me into his arms. “He’s not fucking worth it, Meghan. Don’t let that son of a bitch do this to you.”
“Bed,” Julian commanded as he reached down and gently took me from Axel. He lifted me into his arms and carried me into Axel’s bedroom, which was right off the living room.
Julian eased me onto Axel’s bed. He got on one side of me and Axel got behind me. I sobbed, a strangled cry leaving my lips. My two men sandwiched me tightly between them. “You’re so fucking strong, baby girl. You don’t need him anymore,” Julian soothed. “You’re my goddess. Scream, baby. Let it out.”
“I want to hate him,” I sobbed.
“Hating him will only hurt you more, sweet girl.” Axel wrapped his arm around my hips and pulled me closer to him. Julian wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest. My shoulders shook with sobs.
“Has he always felt like I was fucked up?” I sobbed.
“No, baby girl. Vince used to adore the ground you walked on,” Julian gently reminded me. “It’s his loss that he’s not getting to know the strong woman you are now.” He tipped my chin up and brushed his lips with mine. “Look at you, baby girl. You didn’t have a panic attack. You’re healing. You’re learning how to cope. That means you’re getting stronger with every fucking passing second of the day.”
“It’s only the medicine.”
“No,” Axel said softly as he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “The medications stabilize your moods, remember? Everything else—all of the coping strategies, learning how to reach out when you’re feeling down—that’s all you, sweet girl.”
We were quiet for a minute, only the sound of my soft sniffles interrupting it. “Why does it hurt so much to lose him?” I finally asked.
“He was a huge part of your life, baby girl, and he went cold turkey on you. You weren’t able to prepare yourself for the loss. You always hoped that eventually he would come back around, and I hoped that for you, too. But you have us now, baby girl. And we will be everything you need until you’re ready to make friends again.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a burden.” My voice sounded strangled even to my own ears.
“Never a burden,” Axel promised, “but always the most precious thing in my life. Don’t ever doubt that, sweet girl.”
Julian tugged Axel’s blanket over us. “Get some rest, baby girl,” Julian gently ordered. “Tomorrow, release all that pain into a new painting.”
I snuggled further into my men, more thankful for them at that moment than I ever had been.
30
I set my paintbrush down and rubbed the soreness out of my hands while I stared at the painting in front of me. Axel and Julian had left me alone all day except to bring me food and water, only interrupting me long enough to tell me to eat and give me a small kiss before they slipped out of the room again to give me my privacy.
I ran my eyes over the painting in front of me. My wings were spread out, the tips of them white before they faded into gray, and then to their normal black color. My eyes were shining green, but brown and blue tears were spilling down my cheeks all while I smiled down at the rose bush in front of me with the single pink bud. My hands were holding the stem, and little drops of blue and brown blood were dripping from my hands where the thorns were cutting into my skin.
Hazy images of Julian and Axel were standing on the other side, both of them watching over me as if they were my guardians, there to protect me from any monsters I couldn’t see myself.
“Hey, baby—holy fuck,” Julian whispered in astonishment as he stared at my painting in awe. A blush tinted my cheeks. “Baby, it’s beautiful.”
“I feel a little better,” I quietly told him as I ran my eyes over the painting again.
“Tell me about it,” Julian prompted, his eyes still on the painting.
I cleared my throat, suddenly extremely nervous. “She’s me,” I told him. “I paint myself as a goddess because that’s what you call me.”
“Your wings were always black before. They changed.” He turned those beautiful blue eyes to me. “Is it because it doesn’t feel so dark anymore?”
I nodded, thankful that he understood me enough to understand my painting. He looked back at the photo. “And your blood and tears . . . they’re the colors of mine and Axel’s eyes, aren’t they?”