Total pages in book: 209
Estimated words: 198235 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 991(@200wpm)___ 793(@250wpm)___ 661(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 198235 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 991(@200wpm)___ 793(@250wpm)___ 661(@300wpm)
He lowers me gently into the bath. ‘Is the water okay?’ he asks softly, releasing me and kneeling by the side of the tub.
‘It’s fine,’ I answer, watching as he removes his suit jacket and unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt before pushing them up his arms. He collects the sponge and dips, then squeezes some soap on it and turns me away from him. He starts gliding it across my back in gentle, steady strokes.
I’m a little confused. ‘Aren’t you getting in?’ I ask quietly. I want him to lay behind me so I can feel him, take comfort in him. I need that.
‘Let me look after you.’ His voice is low and unsure. I don’t like it.
I turn myself around to face him, finding glazed green eyes and a stoic expression. It pulls at my heart. I’ve really fucked with his mind this time. ‘I need you closer than this.’ I reach up with my wet hand and lay my palm on his cheek. ‘Please,’
He watches me carefully for a few moments, like he’s deciding whether he should, but he eventually sighs and drops the sponge, before he stands and slowly removes his clothes. Stepping in behind me, he lowers himself to cocoon me completely. I feel immediately better with his warm hardness cradling me, but I can’t see him, so I turn over and sit on his lap, encouraging his knees up so I can lean back and look at him. I take his hands and interlace our fingers, and we both watch in silence as we play with each other’s hands, our tangled fingers glimmering now and then when our rings catch the reflections of the water. It’s not a difficult silence anymore.
‘Why did you lie to me, Ava?’ he whispers, still watching our snaking fingers working together.
My movements falter for a few moments but don’t stop completely. It’s a question that I predicted and it’s one that needs answering. ‘I was scared. I’m still scared.’ It’s nothing but the truth, and he needs to hear it. He needs to know that this whole situation terrifies me.
‘Of me,’ he says simply. ‘You’re scared of me.’ He doesn’t elaborate, and he doesn’t need to. I know what he means, and he knows that, too.
‘I’m scared of how you’ll be.’
‘You mean more crazy.’ he confirms, keeping his eyes on out entwined fingers.
‘It wasn’t even definite and you were treating me like a priceless object.’
He exhales softly and takes both of our hands to his chest, resting them over his heart, but he still doesn’t look at me. ‘You also think that I might love our child more than you.’
The words make me go rigid. They’re the words I have refused to acknowledge every time they’ve whirled around in my head. I am worried that he’ll love our child more than me. Selfishly, yes, it frightens me to death. The unreasonable thought has been lingering there somewhere, I’ll admit it to myself now. I’ve not long had his love, and I’m blessed to have it. Who wouldn’t want to be loved so powerfully, so passionately? I’m not ready to share him, not with anyone, not even a part of us.
‘Would you?’ I ask quietly. I’m not sure how he’ll answer. All I’ve got to go on is how desperate he is for a baby.
His eyes lift slowly, revealing a sadness I’ve never seen before. Or it could be disappointment. I’m not sure. ‘Do you feel that?’ He flattens my palms on his chest and holds them there firmly. ‘It was made to love you, Ava. For too long it was useless, redundant, not required. Now it’s gone into overdrive. It swells with happiness when I look at you. It splinters with pain when we fight. And it beats wildly when I make love to you. Maybe I go overboard with my love, but that’s never going to change. I’ll love you this fiercely until the day I die, baby. Children or not.’
I’m crippled more than ever before. It really isn’t possible for me to love this man more. ‘I never want to be without your fierce love.’
He reaches up and slides his hand around the base of my neck, pulling me down so our foreheads meet. ‘You won’t be. I’ll never stop loving you hard. It’ll only get harder because every day that passes we create more memories. Memories I’ll treasure, not memories I want to forget. My mind is being filled with beautiful images of us, and they are replacing a history that lingers. They’re chasing away my past, Ava. I need them. I need you.’
‘You have me.’ I breathe, shifting my hands up to his shoulders.
‘Don’t ever leave me again.’ He kisses me gently. ‘It hurt so badly.’
I sit up on his lap and pull him up with me, wrapping my arms so tightly around him and pushing my mouth to his ear. ‘I’m crazy in love with you.’ I whisper. ‘Fiercely, too. That’s never going to stop, not ever.’ I kiss his ear. ‘End of.’